Forever Young

Let's just say that I'm short. &Because I have the blessings of my Grandmother's looks, I don't age. At all. Cause Imma vampire, tuh. No but seriously, I don't really... look 'older'. Mix that with my height & lack of physical attributes that would attest that I am indeed 21yrs old - at least 5x a day I hear "Why are you old enough to (fill in the blank)?"

So I started to change up. I ventured into wearing clothes I really didn't care for, I stopped my crazy colored high top collection, &I began to try to put forth the image that I am at least legal.

Still, it's not going too well. I don't think I'll ever ''look'' my age. When I'm pushing 30 I'll still be carded. It's a complaint now, probably be a compliment then.

What I'm tryna get at is - I hate the change up. I hate lookin' young. I wish I could just look ''21'', whatever that means. But at the end of the day? I'm me. And Imma be me. If you don't like that then I don't have shit to tell you. Here's my ID, sell me my alcoholic beverage & my lottery tickets.

Good Day Cold World.

Chemical Formula of Love

Scientific studies tend to view sex and love as a mammalian instinct. Love is an experience that can be divided into three partly-overlapping stage: lust, attraction, and attachment.

Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating. It stimulates the release of hormones such as testosterone and oestrogen. The effect is only last for weeks or months.

Attraction is romantic love stage. People at this stage will constantly release chemical, including dopamine, phenylethylamine (PEA), norepinephrine and serotonin. The effect of this chemicals flowing in bloodstream is similar to stress: increased heart reat, sweaty palms, heavy breathing and etc.

Unlike lust and attraction stage, attachment stagement stage is accounted for long term relationship. Monogamy and trust are related with oxytocin and vasopressin. This is the stage where mature love is.

PROjects.

currently i'm working on a host of projects that will basically (hopefully) enlighten many about me, including myself. i like saying projects, and everytime i do, i think of the ghetto... which i've never lived in. i shouldn't write while high... so i'm not going to do so. just be on the lookout for the look in &that's all.

peace,

CUT.

(ShoutOut to Love)

And so it happened. i went into the bathroom & cut my hair with my new clippers. pretty funny, i just took the clippers put it on the 1/4guard and went at it... so i had this like little mexican hightop fade mohawk, lmaooo. but it's all clean and better now.

How do i feel? f r e e . i've never let my hair define me, i let my people dictate what i did with it. even my senior portrait, i didn't want that picture. but my grandmother said "make sure you pick one with your hair down so people know you had hair". like really grandma? all my friends knew me,  all knew i had hair, &knew that i kept it in a ponytail ALL THE TIME. didn't think much about it then but now i regret not putting more thought into it.

Today it rained, and i didn't start running for cover. i walked. leisurely. (:

Standards of Listening

I like music that I can listen to. i like to hear something that i’ve felt before. that’s what music means to me. it’s a connection, a conversation, a conclusion and in its rarest of form a cleansing. emotions are chief when you’re a cancerian. &i’ve found that the best way for me to deal with the tides is to just plug in my headphones. yes i may cry, laugh, dance, or fall asleep – but music is part of me. it’s woven into the parcels of my misty breath.

So i dont necessarily listen to music that everyone else around me is listening to. it has nothing to do with going opposite of what’s considered mainstream, because there is some Drake on my iPod, &right now that’s as mainstream as it gets. simply put, there’s not a need to filter or reject music based on any classification according to my standards of listening.

My selections ranges from the need to associate. sometimes it’s the need to isolate. but it’s nonetheless always a need; that much I do know. when i was in the 7^th grade i started journaling. not in the form of a diary but more so a log. and in 36 notebooks of different colors i wrote down every song i ever heard that i could connect with. my mother would throw most of them away when we changed addresses for the 4^th time, leaving me to start clean as a freshman at college. . some did survive the move though, most of them my depressing days when i listened to big frog 104; country music which is the bluest of all the blues &just as patriotic as a hot dog and baseball inked away my years of self-infliction, starvation, and searching for self.

Pandora has to be one of the best creations ever. i know, yahoo! music has been up on the radio bit, later came AOL, but Pandora really has it all together (despite all the force close issues &need for updates every 4days, i’m tryna bare with them). the ability to just put one artist is &vibe through those alike is really true. i also listen to Last.fm a lot, same thing just more focused and also a lot more not so mainstream songs available.  iTunes &beyond, technology has engineered the right product for me.

What i’m tryna get at is – i have a need. and that need is always met by music. she’s the one thing that’s never abandoned me, never disappointed me, never did not love me. . the gathering of lyrics, the songstress, beat &rhythm always equals out to be the sum of a good thing. music always has the answereven when im feeling down, it’s a good thing. a contradiction that heals the conflictions in whatever comes.

And as i jot down Artist – Song in the back of my composition notebook, with *’s and ~’s to inform of something different from the rest written, some things dont change. im a lister, and i like to list what im listening to. based on my need. for that reason i dedicate this to H.E.R.  knew you from the day i tried to moonwalk. ive loved you since grandma told me who “Blue Eyes” was, Bold As Love to be tatt’d on my chest and now as i cry to Melody Gardot – this is what i like. me gusta. music, you’ve come a long way &+ though they say things change, you are the one thing that remains the same.