For the Living

It's been over a year since I've posted something on this blog. Though I haven't stopped blogging, I converted to the tumblr world, I keep this blog for my most intimate affairs. I suppose. A year is a long time and often there are grand revelations made after 365 days, but for me I'd say change is most recent. As in this morning recent.

I'm currently reading "Assata: An Autobiography". It's been a long time since I've been interested in reading, but last night I ignored my lover, something I am not happy about, in order to continue reading. I have always connected with "cultural" interests. Being of the 3 most minority group in America (female, person of color, lesbian) I have dealt with more than my share of awkward & uncomfortable situations. This morning on my way to work, I had a vehicular epiphany. So in between weaving in & out traffic, I consulted with myself on what I want from life and my approach.

Perfection; a standard that I have struggled with most of my life and even more present in my adult life. I recently accepted that I will not ever be perfect. I will not ever be at 100% of my expectations. And that is okay. But what is most important, is not lessening my self-worth because I am not at my 100%. To learn balance. To learn content. To learn freedom. What does this have to do with Assata Shakur? Clarity. There is strength in being able to have definition. With definition comes meaning. And that gives one clarity. And Assata inspires me to have definition & all that comes with it.

New goals bring new needs and with those needs come a change in behavior that I hope people are ready for. If I decided to be, who I wish to be, then there will need to be some adjustments in my environment. Not just my physical place of being, but the company I keep, the way I approach situations, so on & so forth. At the end of the day, it is not to mimic behavior or attempt to be a carbon copy - but to understand my possibility. And never letting that possibility be extinguished. As of this morning, my choice is to live. And that is all.

Salaams,

CUT.

(ShoutOut to Love)

And so it happened. i went into the bathroom & cut my hair with my new clippers. pretty funny, i just took the clippers put it on the 1/4guard and went at it... so i had this like little mexican hightop fade mohawk, lmaooo. but it's all clean and better now.

How do i feel? f r e e . i've never let my hair define me, i let my people dictate what i did with it. even my senior portrait, i didn't want that picture. but my grandmother said "make sure you pick one with your hair down so people know you had hair". like really grandma? all my friends knew me,  all knew i had hair, &knew that i kept it in a ponytail ALL THE TIME. didn't think much about it then but now i regret not putting more thought into it.

Today it rained, and i didn't start running for cover. i walked. leisurely. (: