Twenty{12}.

First off, I don't make resolutions because I can't ever stick to them. No use in setting myself up for more disappointment or to appear to be a liar. No buddy, no bueno. So let's get that straight. What I think about when I'm beginning a new year is "Okay, 364 more days - let's do this". Because I live everyday as if it were my last, I live without regret and with satisfaction that I've done what I came to do for today, if I get tomorrow I'll carry the same mentality. Run on sentences, Idgaf.

So where do I think I'm going this year... What are my "goals" in terms of by this time next year where do I want to be...

Word of 2012: GROWTH. I want to become something, someone different. I think this year, I'll focus on confidence and establishment. I also want to listen more, talk less. I want to develop solid friendships, visiting those that I have planned to &hopefully them coming to visit me. I plan to be more loyal and work on overcoming my fear of commitment. The only thing stopping me from being loved is loving love itself. I really want to take time to find peace within myself, figure out who I am, and develop myself as a brand. Most important, y'know?

I can't say much else, about what I want. I just know that I want more of myself, more for myself. And hopefully when I look around I'll be surrounded by those who love me, care about me, and want to be in my world. No e-thug, no keyboard-g, just really just... Becoming myself.

This is going to be fun.

Salaam,

Happy Birthday Jigga.

Excuse me while I get all personal and shit…

One thing you know about me, if you know me, is that I love me some Jay-z. Yes, that was a mock of Beyonce. I have all 15 albums (collabs included) by Jay, some of ‘em I got double copies - hardcopy and digital. Just because I admire his talent.

My mother is a big Jay-Z fan. Son, when I was younger I remember my Mom driving around Brooklyn, always had to go to Marcy projects. I used to be like “Ma. Jay-z is not gonna be in no damn projects.” Even to this day she still love him, talking about “You know Sean Carter is your real father.”

Like knowing all Mary J. Blige songs, I grew up reciting Jay-Z’s lyrics. Not bias, I listened to Nas too, due to my father. Guess you could say I got the best of both worlds with my parents. Understanding the power of music, beat, and rhyme I fell in love with hip-hop. I did my senior class AP English project on “The Elements of Hip-hop”.

So now that I’m an adult, I have a deeper notion of content. I listen to music on different levels, for different reasons. And when it comes to Jay? I do that music head nod to whatever it is. His lyrical flow is so nasty. I feel like Jay-Z being ‘featured’ on any track is going to uplift whatever record he’s on, no question. The way he twists and contorts words is something that I feel like no other artist has been able to do - it’s authentic. That’s what I appreciate about his work.

For Jay-Z to be 40+years old, still producing record selling albums, with sold out tours, and signing the hottest new artist(s) in the business right now undeniably speaks for itself. I need not say anymore about him having “the hottest chick in the game” at his side. What more can I say?

Happy Birthday Jigga.

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my design website/blog.

Already November,

Currently, I'm reading Huey. Huey's so deep and beyond some other shit that I've never come across, ever before in my life. Like he starts off this book with "I started studying law to become a better burglar". How more real can you get? In reading Huey, I've come to identify with him, his thought, and his logic. I smile at the things he says. Knowing that I should be more like Bobby Seale, in my efforts to bring about change, I find Huey more entertaining, more... eye for an eye type. Seems fair to me. I'm taking notes on Huey, getting to know him and getting to know pointers on this whole "America" situation I'm stuck in. It's definitely something for me. Something to me.


Besides reading, I'm working. Working on getting new place to work at. Because this new place isn't working for me. I've never been somewhere where everywhere you go everyone is miserable, thus their only thriving desire in life is to make the next person miserable. I feel like, in my heart I believe this, my old boss threw me under the bus - like a city bus or a school bus with like 60 screaming children on it. It hurt me, but at the same time I don't know why I expected much else. There was a bitterness at the end of my employment with her, seeing as how she would due to my departure have to work, I would be a little upset too. (Lol). So now I'm trying to piece together reliable people, who will speak highly of my work ethic and will give me the credit that I am do. It's crazy, it's like Massachusetts is a state full of taxes and plagiarizing mf's - who just want to get all the praise and not give you a raise. I'll show `em.


In other news, I'm looking forward to moving. This time it'll be to CT (I know, I've lived up & down the Eastern board). I'm really feeling good about this one, feeling like regardless what comes of it ; it will be a better situation than the one I am in currently. And I will take that with two strokes and a goldfish, do you understand me right now? Being closer to theCity, I'll be back on my scene. And back on my scene means one step closer back to me. Along with the plans I have to Love, things can only get better after being so far down. I'm ampd.



Seems like winter's going to be here a little bit earlier than predicted. I mean, the weather man is of no real use anymore. "It may be sunny or a chance of rain today" like thank you kumquat. I'm a little on edge right now. Like my brain is doing laps around and around and around. Slighty schizo, possibly, mental illness does run in my family.... Meh, I'll be around.



Salaam,

In my high school I was very much so the star student. Not to brag on myself, but I was indeed... All the above for the high school student in UpState NY. But lately what's been on my mind is the amount of writing that I was doing in middle and high school. When I graduated from high school everyone automatically assumed I was going to school for English, Journalism, some sort of writing. But I didn't. I enrolled as a Political Science major, left as a Graphic Design major. Though I didn't graduate, I thought I had figured out my niche in the career world. Now everyday, I'm thinking about if I should of went into writing instead, seeing as how it's been my passion. Had I been just so concerned about the money? The life I wished to live, achieve, you know the financially stable "successful" life... I have a problem with my generation. My generation is very concerned with instant gratification. I truly hate that, I hate the fact that there's really no originality & how people don't really have any self-identity. It's really hard to be taken seriously in among a majority of wolves. So where do I start again when I'm done where I currently am? Do I continue down the path that I believe will lead me to success, or do I go with my heart, my natural talent, and make the most of what can be my "situation"? Those are the questions that have been poking at my mind. I'll let y'all know when I've found the answer. Salaam,

Dear Twin Towers (A Letter from Zisa O)

truths89: Tomorrow is your ten year commemoration. And, I just wanted to take this moment to ask how the fall felt. Did those two planes, that were remotely hijacked, really make you crumble into dust? I mean, why did people hear explosions? People say you were flown into because people hate our freedoms. Ironically, ever since you defied the laws of gravity and fell like a building rigged with explosions, we seem to have lost many liberties. But really, freedom of speech ain’t the real thing no more. People live in grave fear these days.
We are stripped and searched every time we try to fly. There’s this thing called the Patriot Act, it was instituted because you fell. Sadly, it has invalidated amerika’s constitution. They say it’s for our protection. But even when I get on trains in New York, they say we can be searched at random. I feel so confused because I don’t know what they are looking for. I mean, I know you came down with bombs, but why would anyone want to bomb a train? Is it just me, or does this seem like a clever way to pacify the masses?
I often feel that people believe that your falling was the greatest amerikan tragedy. I wonder, you know? I’ve heard that Iraq became a missile target. I’ve heard that amerika invaded Pakistan, Afghanistan, parts of Yemen and elsewhere. I even heard that amerika has murdered over a million civilians because two buildings fell—mysteriously. Yeah, the 9/11 Commission Report doesn’t make too much sense—it’s a lovely tale though.
To be honest, I wonder how your cousin WTC 7 on 250 Greenwich Street fell. I don’t recall any planes hitting other buildings. And yet, that forty-seven story building fell just like you did. I suppose we could test the debris to perform a proper autopsy. However, your dust has vanished. I wish I could indulge in the commemoration many amerikans will partake in tomorrow, but the events of that day have left me puzzled.

Sincerely,
Zisa O.

(Source: truths89.

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I was going to write a post, a thought/commentary on the 10th Anniversary of 9/11. But this? Says more than I could ever write.
Salaam