Tuesday, February 5, 2013

For the Living

It's been over a year since I've posted something on this blog. Though I haven't stopped blogging, I converted to the tumblr world, I keep this blog for my most intimate affairs. I suppose. A year is a long time and often there are grand revelations made after 365 days, but for me I'd say change is most recent. As in this morning recent.

I'm currently reading "Assata: An Autobiography". It's been a long time since I've been interested in reading, but last night I ignored my lover, something I am not happy about, in order to continue reading. I have always connected with "cultural" interests. Being of the 3 most minority group in America (female, person of color, lesbian) I have dealt with more than my share of awkward & uncomfortable situations. This morning on my way to work, I had a vehicular epiphany. So in between weaving in & out traffic, I consulted with myself on what I want from life and my approach.

Perfection; a standard that I have struggled with most of my life and even more present in my adult life. I recently accepted that I will not ever be perfect. I will not ever be at 100% of my expectations. And that is okay. But what is most important, is not lessening my self-worth because I am not at my 100%. To learn balance. To learn content. To learn freedom. What does this have to do with Assata Shakur? Clarity. There is strength in being able to have definition. With definition comes meaning. And that gives one clarity. And Assata inspires me to have definition & all that comes with it.

New goals bring new needs and with those needs come a change in behavior that I hope people are ready for. If I decided to be, who I wish to be, then there will need to be some adjustments in my environment. Not just my physical place of being, but the company I keep, the way I approach situations, so on & so forth. At the end of the day, it is not to mimic behavior or attempt to be a carbon copy - but to understand my possibility. And never letting that possibility be extinguished. As of this morning, my choice is to live. And that is all.