Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I vs. Them

I remember when I was younger, I saw my cousin get yelled at for sayin' "I wish I was like Them". By 'Them' she meant Caucasian|Ameropean individuals. Now believe me, I always have|will believe that Black Is Beautiful. I just wish I knew then what I know now.

Where I come from it's a constant blur of people of all races. Constant. But as I got older, I got pushed out into a different world. No reality show series, I mean at least in my eyes it's a different world. Them see the world through blue eyes filled up with entitlement. Them walk on clouds because they live a cushioned life. Them never know how I feel.

It's pointless to me. To complain or converse with Them on these things. Them will never be able to. But it kills me to turn on the TV &see Them getting the most help recovering from Heroin addictions, another INTERVENTION where the family enabled them financially to do so; yet we are just an experiment of the government, no one see's the irony in our population living in a place called projects. Them own the world & everything in it. American history sickens me. Them created this place for Them. Irks me for Them to treat us beyond bad like we signed up on a waiting list to come here. Them no write our names in Ellis Islands Passenger Search.

But Them also live a miserable life. Empty of greed and bitterness. Them never satisfied. Them murderers that call (them) selves conquerers. I couldn't imagine living a life that never gets full. Constantly riding on E.

It's tuff though, more often than not; Out here in Them world.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Forever Young

Let's just say that I'm short. &Because I have the blessings of my Grandmother's looks, I don't age. At all. Cause Imma vampire, tuh. No but seriously, I don't really... look 'older'. Mix that with my height & lack of physical attributes that would attest that I am indeed 21yrs old - at least 5x a day I hear "Why are you old enough to (fill in the blank)?"

So I started to change up. I ventured into wearing clothes I really didn't care for, I stopped my crazy colored high top collection, &I began to try to put forth the image that I am at least legal.

Still, it's not going too well. I don't think I'll ever ''look'' my age. When I'm pushing 30 I'll still be carded. It's a complaint now, probably be a compliment then.

What I'm tryna get at is - I hate the change up. I hate lookin' young. I wish I could just look ''21'', whatever that means. But at the end of the day? I'm me. And Imma be me. If you don't like that then I don't have shit to tell you. Here's my ID, sell me my alcoholic beverage & my lottery tickets.

Good Day Cold World.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Chemical Formula of Love

Scientific studies tend to view sex and love as a mammalian instinct. Love is an experience that can be divided into three partly-overlapping stage: lust, attraction, and attachment.

Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating. It stimulates the release of hormones such as testosterone and oestrogen. The effect is only last for weeks or months.

Attraction is romantic love stage. People at this stage will constantly release chemical, including dopamine, phenylethylamine (PEA), norepinephrine and serotonin. The effect of this chemicals flowing in bloodstream is similar to stress: increased heart reat, sweaty palms, heavy breathing and etc.

Unlike lust and attraction stage, attachment stagement stage is accounted for long term relationship. Monogamy and trust are related with oxytocin and vasopressin. This is the stage where mature love is.


currently i'm working on a host of projects that will basically (hopefully) enlighten many about me, including myself. i like saying projects, and everytime i do, i think of the ghetto... which i've never lived in. i shouldn't write while high... so i'm not going to do so. just be on the lookout for the look in &that's all.


Friday, September 3, 2010


(ShoutOut to Love)

And so it happened. i went into the bathroom & cut my hair with my new clippers. pretty funny, i just took the clippers put it on the 1/4guard and went at it... so i had this like little mexican hightop fade mohawk, lmaooo. but it's all clean and better now.

How do i feel? f r e e . i've never let my hair define me, i let my people dictate what i did with it. even my senior portrait, i didn't want that picture. but my grandmother said "make sure you pick one with your hair down so people know you had hair". like really grandma? all my friends knew me,  all knew i had hair, &knew that i kept it in a ponytail ALL THE TIME. didn't think much about it then but now i regret not putting more thought into it.

Today it rained, and i didn't start running for cover. i walked. leisurely. (: