Monday, December 20, 2010

Heard It All Before

I know, I know - y'all heard it all before. I can't believe that I've managed to keep a blog running for over a year. I'm the kueng of unfinished things. I always begin and forget to end things. I'm already tired of the ''2011'' bs that's circling the worldwideweb right about now. But I can't front; I'm looking forward|ahead for this next year. I have so much in plan.

For one, I'm going to journal myself daily. I'm not sure if it's going to be on the web or not, it will definitely be written though. I'm also going to work on developing my design-line. And lastly, I'm going to get back into school for the Fall Semester. Idgaf if I have to work 3,5jobs.

Confidence does not yield arrogance. These two are not one in the same and much too often the lines get crossed. Mixed signals can impact a first impression. And there's not second chance at making that.

Per usual, I will be dedicated a 2010 Note via my Facebook to those selected. The previous 2years I have included "interests", that resulted into nothing. So I'm teetering the line on that one, yet all in all I am excited. This year flew by no doubt. I'm not really in the Christmas spirit, hence me talking about my New Years plans already. Lol.

Peace,

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I don't believe that you can re-transition to a pass 'you.' So when people say "I gotta get me back", you never lost you. I feel like if you don't grow then you won't progress. That's why the people who stay in the same city they grew up in, when you go visit them 20years after high school they still doing the same shit, fucking the same nigga, and even having that same ass hairdo. You have to change some shit up. You have to 'get out' and see the world. At least a different state.

I'm a roamer. I've probably lived in 20 different cities in the last 3years. And I love that about me. It's a new way for me to push my limits of my comfort. Currently, I'm only stable because I need to pay off a tuition bill to get back into school. But once that happens I'll probably be back on my hopping grind. There's no hurt in that to me. I have to experience a different because that's always been my situation: different.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thankful

I was at work from 930am till 5. It sucked major monkey butt. People asking for the most random shit because we were literally the only store open. But my favorite customer, Larry, came into the store tonight to get his daily lottery. When he saw I was working he was not having it. So he went home, made me 2 plates - 1 with all the works: mac&cheese, mashed potatoes, greens, turkey, steak & peppers, stuffing (or dressing lol) and 1 with peach cobbler & candy yams. "From us to you sweetheart" he said, after punking out the White boy, Mikey, about how "stuffing supposed to look. Not that dry stuff y'all be having!" Lol, much love.

And that right there - I am Thankful for.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Random Rant

I need to get over my insecurity of being short. My height is probably the biggest challenge I face in the mirror. I don't wear what I want to wear, I can't fit into clothes the way I want to, and everything else. I'm extremely insecure about my height. And it's something that I used to NOT be so bothered by. But now that I'm considered an ''adult'' in this fcuked up judgmental world, I feel more and more annoyed that I'm of short stature. I don't know... I guess it's just another one of those I gotta work on accepting. Cause ain't no way in changing this one.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Battle Inside

You gotta be a big girl now
No time for tears
There's no time to sit on the sideline
I need you in the game
The balls coming your way
Don't pass go
Do not collect $200
Just
Stay

Friday, November 12, 2010

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

There's certain things that I have in my life that I didn't take advantage of. As sentimental of a being as I am, it's surprising to me how stuck up I am. Let's put all that in past tense because being out here on my own the last year or so really put things into perspective for me. Going away to college changed me but moreso left me feeling misplaced with no where to turn. I don't know if those things are still available. I dont know if I can still make those moments. But if I search and find that they are I will be taking as much advantage of those things as possible. I shouldn't be scared to reach out and use my resources. I shouldn't shut other people out because another might get jealous that I have so I limit my access to those things. Nah, that's no good for me. So for me imma do these things. I have to get off my high horse and get my boots in th mud of life. But I can utilize the help that I have along the way to not make it such a miserable journey.

-peace,

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Speaking of That...

Today, while I was at work, I was mistaken for being a boy. It doesn't bother me one bit. Actually I smile and try to keep my voice as low as possible so that they don't get caught off, stare at me, and 'try to figure me out'. Because there isn't any figuring out for me. I've noticed that whenever I think about my sex I get sad. I often wish I was a male, penis included. But I've never identified myself or related to my "transexual(gendered)" friends. I've never wanted to have a top or bottom surgery. I've always just been "one of the boys" without the mental or emotional disconnection within. So I just came onto this thought, this association within myself with my male counterpart. Then I became sad.

The sadness came from the fact that I am only 5'1"... and 3/4ths. Lol. So for me? Shopping is the hardest thing for me. I want to wear guys clothes. There's the complication - because of my height and weight, I have to shop in the Boys section. But now that I have the size fixed? I can't walk around at the age of 21 in footballs and little fishes. Not a good look.

I don't know. I guess it's the whole catch-22. And I guess that's why I was born a girl? My body is shaped like a girl but I'm starting more and more to feel trapped inside this body. And my association is not composed of strong women - but rather strong men. The way it's supposed to be.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Last Year

I had so much life in me. I'm looking at the number of my posts. I thought for sure that it would go UP as I got older and with time I would be able to spill myself onto these keys and write a melody so deep that you'd have to slap yourself to wake up the dream. But not yet, I'm not finding the acceptance in any of my speech that'll allow me to curve my tongue and mistake these letters for verbs. My actions are silenced. And I'm lurking, looking, and searching. Hoping that the words will come back to me. That my passion will actually - be. I'm nothing but a dreamer, a starving artist for lack of better terms. Yet I'm willing and able to become more than what you see me as from behind the scenes I'll arrive on stage. I'll blow up like a suicide bomber. I'm on a mission.

On The Real

I’m tired of everyone wanting to be in a relationship but not be in a realationship. Everyone just wants someone to be with, to talk on the phone, to text all day. No one wants to put in time, no one wants to build a future, no one wants to have a lifelong partner. It’s more so personA thinks personB is cute so they MUST be with that person. They don’t even know this person, they don’t know what this person likes, what they do for a living - anything. Just that they want to have something called a relationship. They don’t want the real thing. And I’m sick of hearing that shit.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Running

I feel like I have to be m.o.r.e., always. Because I've never been enuff. My temperament is one of someone who hasn't been taught love, hasn't been taught social skills - quite frankly? I've always had my way. And when I didn't have my way I didn't have anyone else so I depended on self... It's easier that way. So everything in my life right now is a deep growing experience, one that's going to alter my way of thinking. I have never been on this mind level before. I know this because there is no familiarity here. So it's all a battle, it's all a change... Damn i'm favoring commas today... i guess i got a lot to say so it's just running on.

If I had the dream job it would be to just be happy and create. Start another non-profit organization but on the scale that it would cater to the gray area of age. When you're discovering yourself. I know if I had found a cafe, a poetry place, a smoke shop, a club, an art gallery that would work with me - I would be better than what I am. I'm working on getting better.One step closer to where I want to be, I know where I want to be. And I think because I am not there yet, that's why I'm so hard on myself. Failure is not an option. It's not even a question.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I vs. Them

I remember when I was younger, I saw my cousin get yelled at for sayin' "I wish I was like Them". By 'Them' she meant Caucasian|Ameropean individuals. Now believe me, I always have|will believe that Black Is Beautiful. I just wish I knew then what I know now.

Where I come from it's a constant blur of people of all races. Constant. But as I got older, I got pushed out into a different world. No reality show series, I mean at least in my eyes it's a different world. Them see the world through blue eyes filled up with entitlement. Them walk on clouds because they live a cushioned life. Them never know how I feel.

It's pointless to me. To complain or converse with Them on these things. Them will never be able to. But it kills me to turn on the TV &see Them getting the most help recovering from Heroin addictions, another INTERVENTION where the family enabled them financially to do so; yet we are just an experiment of the government, no one see's the irony in our population living in a place called projects. Them own the world & everything in it. American history sickens me. Them created this place for Them. Irks me for Them to treat us beyond bad like we signed up on a waiting list to come here. Them no write our names in Ellis Islands Passenger Search.

But Them also live a miserable life. Empty of greed and bitterness. Them never satisfied. Them murderers that call (them) selves conquerers. I couldn't imagine living a life that never gets full. Constantly riding on E.

It's tuff though, more often than not; Out here in Them world.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Forever Young

Let's just say that I'm short. &Because I have the blessings of my Grandmother's looks, I don't age. At all. Cause Imma vampire, tuh. No but seriously, I don't really... look 'older'. Mix that with my height & lack of physical attributes that would attest that I am indeed 21yrs old - at least 5x a day I hear "Why are you old enough to (fill in the blank)?"

So I started to change up. I ventured into wearing clothes I really didn't care for, I stopped my crazy colored high top collection, &I began to try to put forth the image that I am at least legal.

Still, it's not going too well. I don't think I'll ever ''look'' my age. When I'm pushing 30 I'll still be carded. It's a complaint now, probably be a compliment then.

What I'm tryna get at is - I hate the change up. I hate lookin' young. I wish I could just look ''21'', whatever that means. But at the end of the day? I'm me. And Imma be me. If you don't like that then I don't have shit to tell you. Here's my ID, sell me my alcoholic beverage & my lottery tickets.

Good Day Cold World.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Chemical Formula of Love

Scientific studies tend to view sex and love as a mammalian instinct. Love is an experience that can be divided into three partly-overlapping stage: lust, attraction, and attachment.

Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating. It stimulates the release of hormones such as testosterone and oestrogen. The effect is only last for weeks or months.

Attraction is romantic love stage. People at this stage will constantly release chemical, including dopamine, phenylethylamine (PEA), norepinephrine and serotonin. The effect of this chemicals flowing in bloodstream is similar to stress: increased heart reat, sweaty palms, heavy breathing and etc.

Unlike lust and attraction stage, attachment stagement stage is accounted for long term relationship. Monogamy and trust are related with oxytocin and vasopressin. This is the stage where mature love is.

PROjects.

currently i'm working on a host of projects that will basically (hopefully) enlighten many about me, including myself. i like saying projects, and everytime i do, i think of the ghetto... which i've never lived in. i shouldn't write while high... so i'm not going to do so. just be on the lookout for the look in &that's all.

peace,

Friday, September 3, 2010

CUT.

(ShoutOut to Love)

And so it happened. i went into the bathroom & cut my hair with my new clippers. pretty funny, i just took the clippers put it on the 1/4guard and went at it... so i had this like little mexican hightop fade mohawk, lmaooo. but it's all clean and better now.

How do i feel? f r e e . i've never let my hair define me, i let my people dictate what i did with it. even my senior portrait, i didn't want that picture. but my grandmother said "make sure you pick one with your hair down so people know you had hair". like really grandma? all my friends knew me,  all knew i had hair, &knew that i kept it in a ponytail ALL THE TIME. didn't think much about it then but now i regret not putting more thought into it.

Today it rained, and i didn't start running for cover. i walked. leisurely. (:

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Standards of Listening

I like music that I can listen to. i like to hear something that i’ve felt before. that’s what music means to me. it’s a connection, a conversation, a conclusion and in its rarest of form a cleansing. emotions are chief when you’re a cancerian. &i’ve found that the best way for me to deal with the tides is to just plug in my headphones. yes i may cry, laugh, dance, or fall asleep – but music is part of me. it’s woven into the parcels of my misty breath.

So i dont necessarily listen to music that everyone else around me is listening to. it has nothing to do with going opposite of what’s considered mainstream, because there is some Drake on my iPod, &right now that’s as mainstream as it gets. simply put, there’s not a need to filter or reject music based on any classification according to my standards of listening.


My selections ranges from the need to associate. sometimes it’s the need to isolate. but it’s nonetheless always a need; that much I do know. when i was in the 7th grade i started journaling. not in the form of a diary but more so a log. and in 36 notebooks of different colors i wrote down every song i ever heard that i could connect with. my mother would throw most of them away when we changed addresses for the 4th time, leaving me to start clean as a freshman at college. . some did survive the move though, most of them my depressing days when i listened to big frog 104; country music which is the bluest of all the blues &just as patriotic as a hot dog and baseball inked away my years of self-infliction, starvation, and searching for self.


Pandora has to be one of the best creations ever. i know, yahoo! music has been up on the radio bit, later came AOL, but Pandora really has it all together (despite all the force close issues &need for updates every 4days, i’m tryna bare with them). the ability to just put one artist is &vibe through those alike is really true. i also listen to Last.fm a lot, same thing just more focused and also a lot more not so mainstream songs available.  iTunes &beyond, technology has engineered the right product for me.


What i’m tryna get at is – i have a need. and that need is always met by music. she’s the one thing that’s never abandoned me, never disappointed me, never did not love me. . the gathering of lyrics, the songstress, beat &rhythm always equals out to be the sum of a good thing. music always has the answereven when im feeling down, it’s a good thing. a contradiction that heals the conflictions in whatever comes.


And as i jot down Artist – Song in the back of my composition notebook, with *’s and ~’s to inform of something different from the rest written, some things dont change. im a lister, and i like to list what im listening to. based on my need. for that reason i dedicate this to H.E.R.  knew you from the day i tried to moonwalk. ive loved you since grandma told me who “Blue Eyes” was, Bold As Love to be tatt’d on my chest and now as i cry to Melody Gardot – this is what i like. me gusta. music, you’ve come a long way &+ though they say things change, you are the one thing that remains the same. 

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Fcuk`n Loop Holes



exactly what i went through.
what i've been going through.
&what everyone else around me has been going through.

the fcuk`n loop holes.

Monday, August 16, 2010

"Hey Stranger! Haven't seen you in awhile" -____-

First off, fuck you. Second, this friendship is a two-way deal, therefore you should have checked up on me if you honestly cared about my well-being. That’s an absolute pet peeve of mine! I know that I’ll go out of my way if we haven’t seen or spoken to each other in a while. You got my number, use it. Don’t act all brand new with me and shit. I’ve been here since day one, just cause I lost contact for a short amount of time doesn’t mean that our ties have been cut off. I’ve been going through some family problems and personal problems, those are the main reasons why I’ve been lowkey. I’m sorry that going out and being in the social scene isn’t a priority, I’ve been focusing on me, not other people. Pardon my personal moments and shit, but don’t ever come at me like I’ve never been down with you since day one. 

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

True Story

Making coffee is probably the most annoying task ever given to me at my job, but somebody's gotta do it. plus when it's really slow or i don't feel like manning the register? it's a good way to burn out a good 25-30mins standing there shuffling around &running water. shit gets real tedious after some time and today the store was real slow anyhow, i guess people in Williamsburg don't need gas or coffee or munchie food. cause we definitely got it all.

i'M changing the coffee out, dumping the old grinds, marking the re-brew time, &putting more coffee in the filter for the next 2 pots, minding mines jamming to pandora in my pocket via the Droid. next i know, a guy who's making his little ice coffee (we sell that too) looks over at me &here comes the downfall. "you live in Williamsburg?" - "yeah...?" - "oh, okay." now it's not the first time i've been asked that question, and it's not the first time i got the "oh, okay." response, you know the response people give you, especially those of the lighter skin complexion ;) when they don't (EX)pect you to reside in such a nice, small, clean, Caucasian dominated place. where your kids go to pre-school to hs together, where the soccer moms roll big, where the pizza guy always had a crush on your daughter type town. 

What was coming next i couldn't ever prepare for. "i should ummm, bring my gf in here" , as he whips out his blackberry, pushes a couple buttons to reveal presumably his gf: real life character from sistah-soulja/zane novel. i'm talking tiny framed, weave droppin`, black mesh shirt, blue skinnies with hands on thee hips image of LaKresha 
(yes, spelled with a K). 

"...Oh" that's all i said cause that's all i could get my mouth to say. "yeah you know, we've been living here for 2yrs &it's hard for her to really meet any friends, cause... well you know what i'm getting at, around here it's difficult, you know. i'm always catchin` slack cause i'm older & (muffles) awhitemaledatingayoungerblackgirl `n so it's hard, but we're doing alright." - "yeah." - "well yeah, so maybe i'll bring her around here, to the store, then you guys can chat, i'm sure you guys have something in common. it'll be good for her." - "yeah" -____- 

Now in my head, i'm already off the richter, i'm talking fcuk 10, i'm at 5011. there's nothing about me that would suggest that i would get along with LaKresha there. how did he come up with this conclusion? i simply wear a brown polo, black jeans, and old black dunks to work. i rock an Aum symbol necklace, with a peace sign hemp-made bracelet, i have a lip piercing, and my music was playing GCH. maybe i'm wrong for judging her, maybe she isn't as bushwick as i gathered. but in all honesty, idgaf. i was judge, i was (PRE)judged. &its not that he took the time to gather up all his information. it wasn't even that he took the time to correct his pronunciation of my name ("AyeIeShaye?"). he simply looked at me, saw i was a female of a minority race complexion &(ASS)U(not)ME that i &her would have something to talk about. i don't know what he was getting at, but i know where my mind placed him. he's the type: the-ignorant-don't-know-any-better-says-things-that-are-so-unpolitically-correct type.

Dude proceeds to finger taste his ice coffee, i guess he doesn't like everything black. re-brew in 2hrs. i'll be making my boy brew that shit, i can't deal. hell i'm thinking, good thing he didn't see the tattoo of Africa on my ankle. he would have really hit the nail on the head. 
i should get a raise for customer tolerance.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Where's the Diamonds?

so I was cleaning up just now after cutting my hair, &+ for some reason i was thinking about how homosexuality is the black. got all these young girls running around here thinking that they're barbies, thinking that having babies when they just a baby is a-okay cause they momma will take care of it and it's a way to keep a man around, and basically how sleeping with another girl (if you're a girl) is alright, &if i see one more talk show host do a special called "gay for pay".

I was just thinking about growing up in my hood. And there was this girl named "diamond" &she was known to be "gay". now even though i had been known i had an attraction for girls, my first kiss was with a girl, the first time i was felt up or "humped" was with a girl; i had no idea what "gay" was or what "homosexuality" was, that shit didn't enter my vocabulary till I was a freshman in hs. i also didn't know it was "wrong" , or such a controversy. for all I knew, girls liked boys and boys liked girls, i liked girls, i was a girl, whatever. who cares. but back to diamond, she was like feared in my hood. i mean when diamond was coming around all the girls would come running in the house "diamond outside! she gonna get you!" it was like a disease you could catch, or atleast back in my childhood it was comparable to being tagged IT.

nowadays? there's such a stigma that comes with even someone thinking you're gay that my moms yells at my 3yr old brother for playing with barbies &liking stuff with glitter. hell he like spiderman and diego too. i think what she needs to realize that all he sees is his daddy drinking &acting like a little btch when he dont his controlling way, and that she always leaves him with my 12yr old jonas brother// justin beiber obsessed sister. there's not really too much else for him to like besides pink and purple shit. shuuu.
&my 12yr old sister just added me on FB. there's no need for her to be scared of "diamond" because her worry is not meeting an old pedophile named Steve that lives down the street. she knows what gay is, she knows what homosexuality is -- hell my cousin, who's also 12, told her that she was bisexual. "ma, ___ said that she gotta girlfriend!" my sister told my mom with her big gray eyes. my mom didn't even question it, she just laughed it off.

i guess what i'm tryna get it is that kids nowadays have way too much exposure to what society wants them to be. and forget about it if you're a minority. and definitely dead your hopes if the child is raised in a lesbian-parent home, because chances are the parent is just as confused as the child will end up. minority lesbians, i've observed are really messy, &those who have kids are a h.a.m. especially because most of them were in a long-term committed relationships with a dude for all their lives, but they're in the same scene as their teenage daughter who just dropped kid number 2 -- they're just gonna fuck with girls.

there's no "diamonds" anymore. so all of everybody basically are just digging in the rough, looking for someone to hold onto, someone that'll give that attention. whoever gives them attention, that's their "best friend."

be easy ya'll !
- Ace

A Letter to Ms. Hill

this morning because I couldn't sleep &+ because the song Adam Lives In Theory was stuck in my head, I did some research (aka Googling) on Ms. Hill. it left me with this eerie, goosebumps, paranoid feeling. she's a character, indeed, belongs on USA network type. i guess 3wks ago she came out in an interview with NPR stating that she's going to comeback into the game.

"Lauryn said that her heart was in Zion, 
I wish that her heart still was in rhyming"
- Kanye West 
everyone's got stuff to say about it, wondering if she'll have the "Sade Effect" on listeners, or so they're calling it. you know how Sade didn't have a record for 10yrs, and then she showed up with Soldier of Love &+ blasted all the bopz out the water.

honestly? I don't care what effect she has on anybody else. there's a mixture of feelings towards her return (whenever it is, due to the rumored method to her 'madness' I read about her studio affairs; if you don't know Ms. Hill was sued by her team that claimed they helped write songs &produce Miseducation, cost her $5Mill - then she was ghost after that speel. so I guess now she makes everyone who's anyone that she's considering to work with sign a waiver saying they give all creative &financial rights to her on any music they make with/for her, and half the time she postpones appointments, and the artists eventually get aggy with waiting &losing money so they go their business. *which I think is dumb as hell, but maybe I don't see the blessing the same way everyone else does, hell I'm just a student of hers)

Ready or Not, Here I Come, You Can't Hide....

  • Urgency: Ms. Hill's return is vital to the pullback of music, to the voice of our generation (&those coming up under it, I mean 1998 was 12yrs ago, I was only 8yrs old, but even those younger than me know the words to "Doo Wop (That Thing)"  "Ex-Factor" "To Zion"
  • Fear: with her religious radical ways, formulated by the cult she was yielded to by this dude named 'Brother Anthony', and her outburst towards the Vatican ; I don't know... It's kinda scary.
  • Hype: no matter what it is or what people say about her, it's Ms. Hill, the one &only. the sickest and rawest talent I've ever heard, male or female. The influence to so many, especially my other teachers of the Neo-Soul movement. 
people say that she's crazy (bi-polar allegations have been on the scene for some years) or brainwashed (cult religion), drugs? nah, that's my girl Badi (ya'll know I'm telling the truth). personally? I think Ms. Hill went through a life cleansing that all of us if only lucky enough to receive could have. she really had the time, money, and will to pull-back &away from everything and everyone - and just learn (&continue to) S.E.L.F.

I ain't no music critic, I don't work for VIBE &+ I've yet to hear back on my internship to Rolling Stone, but what I do know: music. Music is what feelings sound like. &so whatever she's feeling, that's what I'm waiting on. to see what she's wanting to have expres-sed.
take your time Ms. Hill, and with all due respect, Take Care.

- A Student,




*I address Lauryn Hill as "Ms. Hill" because that's how she wishes.
(That much is confirmed.)


Friday, June 25, 2010

21 Things I've Learned at Being 21

21. Laugh as much as you can, if you don't - your life will really suck.
20. When the dentist says brush your teeth, 3x a day, listen. Being 17 with yellow gunk on your teeth is NOT attractive.
19. Money disappears as fast as you get it. So a savings account when you're 9 isn't a bad investment.
18. The price of milk should be cheaper than a gallon of gas. It probably isn't, but that's my rationalization.
17. There are car-bullys in this world. Never get over - make them go around. It irritates the fuck outta them.
16. Fast food, though cheaper; the compost genetically modified shit will deteriorate your insides.
15. People will give you shit about the simplest things &let you breeze through shit that should be difficult - take it with a grain of salt.
14. If you have the $1 give it to the bum, If you don't - don't be a dick.
13. Time is important, if you can be on time you should be. Earlier is best. Last is never acceptable.
12. Coke products are better than Pepsi.
11. Poetry isn't to be used to pick up an attraction. Words should be used as tools of communication. And not everyone writes, reads, hear things the way you do. Doesn't mean you're less of a poet|person.
10. The worldwideweb can make anybody famous; but unless you're someone in the real world, working towards positive growth &change - you're just as pointless as Miley Cyrus.
9. Kisses are beautiful.
8. Treating others as you'd like to be treated doesn't always result in respect; but it does result in dignity.
7. People will let you down - all the fucking time. Don't hold grudges, just know when to let go, when to correct, and when to go the fuck off.
6. The hurt Mary J. is better than the happy Mary J.
5. Sex is extremely overrated, Intimacy is underrated. If you find both - marry that motherfucker.
4. Religion is extremely comedic, if you take it too serious then you're in a cult.
3. Coffee is good for 6hrs after brewing.
2. Never be ashamed to work towards a better you. Do what you want to make your life, the life you want. I don't know what's after this, but I damn sure am trying to get it right on this go `round.
1. Take nothing for granted and don't take everything given. You'll know when is the right time to do which.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Move(me)nt

I open my mouth to bring about change
Stuck on repeat I find myself lost in the scrabble
Trying to reach those who are like me
My peers
I see the lies that you feed them
And I shake my head as I watch them
Eat it all right up

Damn

Suffering children everywhere I turn
Hit Power on the remote and I see it
On the screen
BP's taken over CNN
But rivers in Africa have the same issue
Blind eye turned
Not breaking new unless it's affecting you

The superior

All I have are my words
My verbs hold no result
So I resolve to not speak at all
Just linger around and wait for the time
When the world will change

When my children will not know the word complexion
And the weight that it holds in this country
Stares will be because of the deed
Not the color of the skin

You live where? How can you afford that?

We're not all on welfare
Section 8 is nothing but a wall built by you
Capturing us all behind those doors
Contain them
Why?

Their scared

There's no need to enslave us with chains
They've done so mentally
Stuck on perms and pedicures to look American
America means White
African-American hyphenated
Definition of second class

Caste system in it's own way
Yet we go overseas to create the same atmosphere

So with these words
I refuse to conform
What if one day I want to wear my hair nappy
Sport my tribal colors
Quote Nikki Giovanni
And preach like my boy Malcolm

Will you stop me for disturbing the peace
Or will you bash me down and take a piece of me
My freedom
Doesn't equate to yours

I'll never be completely able to reach the exponent of myself
Radical signs will additively leave me with a divide
Subtract the madness in my quotient
Never to determine a  positive result

Zer(0) for the stats

Census coming to knock on my door
"Be heard so that you can be counted"
"Just 5mins of your time"
Don't you have all that I am?
Bookmarked, noted

Myspace is on CNN again
Facebook removed the Privacy of friendship
Yahoo turned me invisible
AIM has me idle

Headline: Library of Congress to bookmark Twitter

Tomorrow I'll probably wake to two men in suits
Or this site will no longer exist
Because I wish to invoke my (1)irst Amendment rights

Freedoms were secondary in this country
Added in at the end of the Constitution
Always struck me odd

Open your ears
Close your eyes
Only then will you see the truth
(Ex)posed

I feel naked on stage
All eyes on me

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

&So I Cut My Hair.


And if anyone wants to compare, I didn't have a picture of anyone in my mind. What happened was I cut the sides of my hair Sunday night, after smoking a little and sipping a little, and I was encourage by Love, who was also a little under the influence. And thus I had to make the best of what was left. I don't even mind it though. It makes me feel one step closer to self.

-Ace.
[9] till (21).

Monday, June 14, 2010

SI: Poetry

I used love writing poems
I guess that’s cause I was in love with the game
Illustrated in my verbaility
To chase the words around
And always come out on top
I was fascinated by language
Engrossed in imagery
And could hyperbolize anything too much
Alliteration left me in ellipses
I just wanted to escape
Broaden my horizon to kick start my life
To a better place
Now it seems like everytime I turn on the radio
Someones stolen my line
It’s kinda funny cause
I thought that I’d be touring with my rhymes
Meant to happen this way I assume
I try to write down my thoughts
But the pink margins don’t leave much room
The beginning of the end
I feel like I’m always in last place
I have this sense of urgency with my life
Still I’m losing this race
My heart is taken but it’s beating slowly
But when I think about the end
I get suicidal daydreaming of being lonely
Don’t want this to go wrong
Never had to choice to go right
I’m ambidextrous by nature
Spoiled by natural ability
I try to live my life leisurely
Then they say I procrastinate
I fuck myself over
Kind of messy when you masturbate
Seeing myself now I don’t know who I am
Time flew by and now it’s ready to land
Words used to come to me
But now they just flee my grasp
Holding on to so much
Still I know I’m holding back
Behind the mic was the most comfortable I ever been
Realized I was just an act for a blue-eyed audience
Came back to where I started
Like I always do
Repeatedly not getting no where
Defying the elements of grammar
Double negative trying to get to ground zero
Poetry keep me under lock and key
Just looking for a window

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Inside Out.

to have to start all over, again &again &again - it's like WTF to the maximum. my life wasn't supposed to be like this, i wasn't supposed to be like this. i'm way more intelligent, talented, and determined than most ; but i don't understand why the people who try the hardest get the least out of life. i wasn't one of my generation, one to not even consider the chances, i actually STUDIED the chances, i argued against the stereotypes &+ i made a fool out of the statistics. now i'm at the bottom of a settled cup with all the pulp, while the fruit of the juice rises above. i'm thirsty, and i don't even want to drink.

this wasn't supposed to be me. 21 in a few weeks &not even near done with college, hell i'm back at the starting line; i took so many wrongturns|shortcuts that it got me no where. i can't balance the things that i used to be able to manage all at the same time. i'm losing it, in the worse way. i used to have this confidence about myself, i knew i was the shit, i got used to the flies around me. i was gaining education, performing everywhere and had flocks of people attracted to me. now i'm at rock bottom, and the last two i don't even care about, i'm good enough for self, but i'm not good enough to succeed anymore.

everyone keeps telling me you've got time, you can make it better, you can finish just put in the work where it's needed. other people became my focus, even through the lies they called support, i just wanted to make them happy. those who used to be in my circle, are now standing outside the bend, yelling at me &shaking their heads with disassociation. i'm at rock bottom and i aint even addicted to shit.

it's not a matter of not wanting to do it ; it's a matter of it not being on my to-do list. when life throws you lemons you make lemonade, but when life throws you molded lemons you throw it out - no lemonade for you. i didn't even think i'd be 21 and not have my own, not be on my own, &not be happy. i feel just as miserable as before. i feel alone.
nobody but nobody can make it out here on their own.
 i don't have the determination i had before. there's no pretty picture hanging over the horizon, there's no end to this madness. i just want the madness to stop. i just want things to be okay, as they used to be. i'm tired of fighting yo. this is a 4corner match, and i've already been knocked out ; there's not much more i can give to win this. this doesn't have anything to do with the superficial things in life, or the things that are supposed to make one happy. because when the other things around you are falling apart, that one thing will eventually crumble as well. i've been changing my ways for what? it's just changes - not progress. there's a difference. i always thought my life to be progressive, everything i've ever worked for has fallen apart, nothing i reaped is sowing. n o t h i n g . so what am i doing?

there's no positives in any of this. there's no happiness inside. i'm hollowed out. and if i'm just existing why be living? why be here? to write pretty poems for people and photoshop pictures for websites? to not have a family, to not have friends, to not have anything in this populated world, i feel so alone. is this how death feels? when you're diagnosed with notice that you're going to die? i feel dead. i feel lost. i feel like the scum between god's toes. as Love always says, if there is a God, He must hate me. cause this is the life i have.

there's no btching about it, nothing to man-up to. there's nothing to swallow, no correct steps to take. i don't know where i'm going, don't know what i'm doing, but this mask is cracking quickly. and i don't even give a fuck.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Life & Rhymes.

If you know me, you know that I am one of the biggest `Ye heads ever. I been on him, before the Taylor Swift gig. I was a fan of his producing, his pre[sense). He has this love for the beat, the 808 &bass. A lot of his music has the harsh mix of funk and soul, but he flows over with such a concrete rhythm. So when people tell me that hip-hop is dead, I always cause conflict.
People shut Kanye down so strong and heavy when he was trying to come up on the scene. I mean they hit him with everything, cause &effect. I write this as if I’m some sort of biographer of him. And though I know a lot of (wiki]factual information about `Ye; I know in truth &honesty, I’m just a fan.

But I respect him for the craft that he has turned into a masterpiece. He went from producing tracks for the biggest artist in the world, to measuring up to be one of the biggest personas in the world. Internationally toured, globally listened to. I hear people come out their mouth all the time about `Ye. About how controversial he is, how stylish he is, how he should stick to producing; and I mean to each their own opinion, but I aint tryna hear it. I have a likeness for him because how he came up, where he came up. More than just the Chi-town boy beat.

More than smoking herb, it was more like spoken word.

I’m from NY, an added factor is claiming the pride for being the birthplace of hip-hop. No disrespect to my hometown, but we have fallen off &the mid-west finally was what I was bumping to when I w.o.k.e. up. I don’t know the last fresh to death track I’ve heard that’s come outta NY (unless you count Diggy Simmons, though he resides in Jersey, but even he’s still on the rise].

Kanye developed his rap career as a spoken word artist would prepare for an open mic. All he wanted was to catch their ears, now he has our hearts. I follow everything that Kanye does, not to be some sort of paparazzi|groupie ; but to see what’s coming next. He’s viciously talented, but his style isn’t for everyone. I really feel like he’s ahead of his time, ahead of this time. I think I go so hard for Kanye because I realize his struggle, I feel his hustle, &I really appreciate what he’s brought to the table.

Though this whole piece was sprung from the morning glory of “Life & Rhymes of Kanye West”, an MTV documentary, which is some years old, Donna West is featured; my peers &those alike don’t have significant basis for what they listen to. The subliminal messages lead them to take on subliminal lives. Whereas I don’t want to be the next `Ye, I don’t want to be in that starlight. But music is a piece of culture. It’s a staple in the time capsule. I believe that Kanye West is definitely a good capture to have, we don’t have too much good music. God forbid if they look at our TV series from this era, because we’ve gone way down down down, pass MJB. But something like `Ye? Impactful. 

Friday, May 21, 2010

TGIF.

Who remembers that show|series from ABC (I think)... it had it's own little song too, thank god it's fridayyyyy-ayeeee. Yeah, these kids have no idea what television is &I'm thinking maybe the corps lost the definition as well.
Good Morning America (because your day doesn't begin until you see me).

This is going to be an 'Update Blog' ; I'll semi-let-you-in on what's happening in my life. Let's just say that through all the ups & downs, a dude is still feeling isolated. But as Maya Angelou wrote "Nobody, but nobody can make it out here alone." Seeing as how I know that I am somebody to someone, I therefore can't be a nobody. So many different cliches in my head that I could wordplay that with, but fcuk the playing I'm about to graduate for real.

Life is crazy for me. Working and looking for work. Schooling and trying to get back on track. Loving and being loved. In all the complexities. Lesbians have this issue of living in Lala land. No one plans ahead, no one thinks about the future, they're solely satisfied with the present gift they have. Don't have time for that. I have a future ahead of me, and I hope that SHE will be there with me. I've done this before though, planned things for a singular-dually existence, just for it to crumble apart without notice in front of my face &closest to my heart. I'm trying to keep things at bay, but it's close against my back - we'll see where this leads. Time is the (man)ipulator of all things. Let's see where we go from here.

Today is just a really good day. I kinda spoiled myself, which was long overdue. I'm just going to breathe today, enjoy my weekend that I have off. Get to know myself, so that I can l_ve you better.

As far as the poetry? It's been... funny. Lol, I've been really lazy lately, and the thoughts seem to come to me in 2 places: 1. Bed, when I'm too lazy to go get an iTouch or pen&pad. This results in me whispering in Love's air|ear. And 2. the Shower, where I'm too.... yeah. So maybe I'll invent something that'll let me capture the thoughts. When I was younger that was a dreamcatcher, but in 2010 we need something a little bit more technological.

Invested in some clothes today. Hopefully I'll find the perfect pair of shoes next week. Got my glasses on, call it a fad, I call it image. I fcuked my hairline up in the back of my head, good thing I like fitted caps. Buying a book on drawing &painting, time to explore my other creative endeavors.

Rumors surround me like I live out in Hollywood, but the contrary is always truth. The sh.t you hear about me might be just about half-as real as the person that told it to you. I'm working on s.e.l.f. healing. Isolated or not, I always be okay. I'll survive. Like Gloria Gaynor sang.

It's tuff, but I'm always 10x stronger. Be easy. Peace.

-Ace

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Whatcha Say.

Not all smiles and wishes
Hugs and kisses don't exist in the world I'm in
Madness engulfs me
Sadness circles me like the vulture it is
I search for answers through the haze
Habitually living life in a daze

It's just a phase

Escaping to pull away from the pain
My spirit always a few steps behind
Destiny doesn't heed to my voice
A prisoner to my own world
If only the words could send out a message
S.O.S. come soon

Acting up

Allergies got me sneezing
I guess it's going to be one of those seasons
When things flair up for no reason at all
Clinging to my blanket with an insomniacs race
This marathon nonstop but I'm looking for a break

You're okay

So I just pretend to go along for the ride
Maybe the end is near just not in sight
In spite
Of all the things I've been told and I've done
I'm still lacking that one thing
The string that holds me all together is a mere thread

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Gridlock.

what's happening in the world?
this one claims i'm not listening to her, i am. since i was like 7 i've been saying "i'ma genius, this is why i need to have 30things going on at once, my brain needs to be entertained." if you know me, and most of you think you do; i say a lot of things at once... i have thought orgasms. i think think think &climax... i think i never actually react|act.period to a lot of the things i think about. then i get this label of being lazy. i'm not lazy, i'm just so overactive that it leaves me unactive. does that make sense? it does in my head. but the madness always makes sense to the creator, maybe that's how this universe began, as a simple idea. i think so - just be the dialog of every "creation" story... it's an idea that spurts into this big thing. but then the religious fcuks come in  &overtake it to the next level, to some shit that wasn't even intention, and it becomes religion. hypothesis succeeds.
anyhow, moving has been the greatest step i've ever taken. though many think it's a mistake, i think they need to take it for what i've been missing. (ooo that wordplay is fierce, ha]. just the environment is more welcoming &safer than i've ever felt before, and trust, as brooklyn as i get - i've lived in the suburbs of a black hole, always looked over my shoulder. here it's completely different. things are just different. when you are someone where they can't control the hype about you, and your being an entertainer, that's cool &all, but like erykah badu said "i'm an artist, and i'm sensitive about my shit." that's how i feel, i don't want to be a showmaker, i want to be a soulshaker. i want to touch you where you've never been touched before. sounds like raping... kinda sorta want to have that effect on you. be in awe, be amazing, g.o.d. i am.
i start tons of projects, my one major 'success' story still exists though it was ripped away from me by the system (welcome to america], many others departed from me when i broke away from individuals that used me &abused me &fcuked me in 7different ways... and then there's the current road blockage that's gridlocked inside my head, and i'm trying to get it in gear. let's put this btch in drive.
don't sleep on me, please. i'm like a ninja, assassinating plenty behind the scenes. once i have the money to make the moves, i'ma be gone. and you'll never knew i was even there. that's the type of roads i take. the freeway, because the highway keeps you low to the ground. i'm all about movement, all about getting it together, once it's got, it's on to the next. my soul is that of a certain type, and that's one that will never be satisfied.

peace,

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Rolling Stone.

The raindrops fall and nestle between the soil
Seeping into their spots of asphalt
I compare this to the love I have
Splattered against the ground I've been pulled to rock bottom 
By an element that only exists on a emotionology vocab list
Four letters
Three words
Two beings
Us

As wonderful as thunder rolling across the clouds
Sunshine vouyering in between the light windows
A glow stroke each treetop as if to frame the excitement
Natural and pure a divine gift wrapped in dew

Drizzle me in your excrements
Interpret my words in exchangement for verbs 
And let them drip against my skin 
Brushing away the scars of past falls

The tapping of droplets on the gutter of my mind
Riveting into a trail of bliss
The splash causes a ripple that delivers beautiful creation
Shower me in your delight 

This scent tingles my nostrils 
A reminder of the kiss you dab my lips with 
And I crumble underneath the skyline

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Rhetoric.

I've been slacking on the poetry note. I don't have much for inspiration, I could write love poems but it seems like that just leads me in circles. I've come to find that my best poetry comes freestyled. The problem with that is lacking a camera, I can't shape-up a poem -- it's like lost content. And that's never good.Now people say I'm really good. But I am finding myself struggling to get a mere sentence on the line before I'm erasing and started again. Sucks because I need to write. The mental cloud is hanging over my head. What am I waiting for I scream to myself. Maybe I should format as I do during shows. Pick different words and incorporate them into separate pieces. I don't know how that would work. I ever resorted to grabbing a pen &putting it to the pad, still nothing comes. Maybe Ill call this book Hard Pressed. Free press is only valuable if you can use it, I don't have as easy of an access. It's saddening to me when I can't write. It's like seeing yourself falling head first over the handle bars and still trying to reach for the brakes instead of bracing for the fall. Shitty day. I need to get it together. I don't like the academic way of writing because structure sucks. Maybe I'll write 100 haiku's...  those are fun and easy. Often leading to something else. This blog is full of questions &I'll get it together. Just had to vent.


Ignore this. 

Friday, April 2, 2010

Where The Wild Things Are

It's lovely outside today. I'm kinda ashy... Right, so as I sit out here on the balcony enjoying the sound of the creek rushing, the birds chirping, and squirrels playing chase Im hit with the painstaking realization that being a creative soul isn't all nuts &berries. Meaning that there's the stereotypical lifestyle of artists vs. reality. And reality is the (real)ization that everyone doesn't see the things that I see.
When I was taking my photography courses, I would take pictures that caught my eye, caught a sight I would love to see. But when shown to my professor, she merely looked at the frames, nodded, and walked to the next student. I felt insignificant and/or incorrect at times. My pride and mind told me that my pictures were just as great, if not better than Sarah's or Joe's" ; but I did not get that from my professor. 
My senses are off the normal chart, my imagination takes me for rides. Sometimes I get so scared of myself because I know what's real but I feel the actual. It's like watching yourself in a dream and feeling everything, hearing every thought, seeing it from 1st and 3rd person. I live a waking dream.
Currently society and it's responsibility clause has got the best of me. Supposedly I live on the Land of the Free but I feel trapped in the tells of what I have to do. I guess free means 'free-will' in America. I mean, you can do whatever you want freely but will you be able to handle the consequences of doing so. I guess I define free differently. 

"If I’m really brilliant, like others sometimes tell me, how come nobody acts like I’m valuable? Maybe I’m just a pebble that’s been lied to since childhood." (-Gloria Szabo)

My peers and everyone alike are stuck on being an 'artist'. But they have no idea the pain, insomnia, and dissatisfaction you carry by being a creative mind. You give the best of you always and never ever reach the climax. Like fucking but never having an orgasm.
Trust me, if I could be the average Sarah or Joe, and just live life minimalistically, I'd sign-up right now. Shed these words in my head, stop the paranoid jumping from sounds unreal, and keep my heart from pacing so heavy. My life is running like a marathon, and I'm always one step behind. 

peace,

Friday, March 12, 2010

M.I.A.

Sorry, I know I'm lacking on the posts. Life is a bitch, tryna keep her from being a widow. Working on a lot of side projects but my #1 is getting my own website together. So look for that to be premiering soon. Keep It 100.

peace, 
-$$$.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I'm G.O.D.

yo! -
currently, i'm resting in Upstate NY trying to get my artwork together. as you can see (below) i'm doing a show out here next friday (o2/19/1o) it's going to be something like a interview w| me, &also i'll be performing some officially new pieces. they'll be fresh &yes, i will be recording. (i promise]. so i'd appreciate the l_ve, if you can come, more than welcome to attend; inspiration i'm always seeking for, &anything -- a text, IM, comments... just you know, hit me up. l_ve is l_ve.

life is crazy, global warming is in full effect. blizzards all over, white house can't even get vehicles off the premises. i been trying to tell y'all. it's only cold up here, but it's that dry cold, world is tuff. school is eye-opening but my heart is still being settled. i'm making moves to move. i still feel really accomplished though for taking that first step to start on the path of m.y. life, &no others. so regardless of the obstacles and the tears that fall -- i'm in here, (like swimwear].

i'm falling in love with being behind the lens. i see things in a whole different perspective. i don't like to refer to myself as an artist, just a kid of a searching generation.
“The artist is not a person endowed with free will who seeks his own ends, but one who allows art to realize its purposes through him. As a human being he may have moods and a will and personal aims, but as an artist he is ‘man’ in a higher sense — he is ‘collective man,’ a vehicle and molder of the unconscious psychic life of mankind."
learning never stops, that's a promise. you can never get tired of gaining knowledge, considering myself as G.O.D. (gaining one's definition).  it seems like everytime i get right, life turns me for the wrong. burying another family member next week, just put a friend to rest two weekends ago. it's a way to wake up, and realize this is why i wear my heart on these short sleeves. sketchbook+red pen, red headphones in the ears &red+black bookbag... if you see me, speak.  respect, keep it 1oo.

different me? -- i guess so. sometimes i wish i could go back to my evil ways, but i'm pass that. growth, understanding, and movement. change is the only constant in this world. i'm feeling removed from this planet, like i belong to another realm. most likely i do, she does call me A.L.I.E.N.

peace, -will.i.ams


RIP Aunt Punch o2.1o.1o

Friday, February 5, 2010

A FireSide Chat


A FireSide Chat
&Various Acts

Friday, Feb. 19, 2010
@ Thornberrys Restaurant


For More Information Email Me: thatpoetace@aim.com

Friday, January 15, 2010

Subject: Topics.

If all I wrote about was heartbreak, unrequited love, fulfilling love, romance, and passion, more people would read my writing. But that’s not all I write about because there is fucking more to life than that. There’s also art, nature, puppies, babies, old people, relatives, friends, good times, bad times, parties, hangovers, shit days, boredom, depression, memories, feelings of being burnt out, lonely, pathetic, apathetic, indifferent, sad, or happy, genuinely not giving a shit about people’s opinion, or being overwhelmed by it, or, au contraire, en-liberated by it, and a million other things. And if I limited my subjects to romance, I would limit myself -which is what you do if, in fact, romance is all you focus on in your life. So there’s that. I mean it’s cute and all, and obviously you’re a teenager or a young adult and you’re wrapped up in all that, but really, it often kind of sucks for your family and friends when that’s your major priority.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Backdrop America.

as a twenty yr old homosexual female living in the empire state, i believe that i have the most boxed in reality to live in. not to mention that i'm of mixed ethnicity (like most of my generation &+ the post.growing). i find myself struggling between what my options are to check, and what i actually am. i mean if i allowed myself to be determined by America's prescribed analysis i'd be considered African-American. never knocking the beauty of being Black, (which is a correlating but not thematic issue of this post) the truth of the matter is i am so ever confused on not who i am, but more so, how i can be who i am, backdrop America.
i was raised all over the place, uprooted &+ destabilized by two young parents both recent HS graduates, living with their parents, &+ on two different trains of thought. my mother, a lightskin 19yr old at the time, attaining to be a grammar school teacher, resided in the Miller St home of my great-great Aunt, who was strict in her Alabama Southern Baptist ways. paired with my 20yr old darkskin father, who was of Islamic faith, living between the streets &+ the home of my humble Methodist grandmother. and that's just the basis of my conception, i've been raised, or "brought-up", by many peoples that walks adifference. i fail to give you ethnic titles for my parents because they are both mixed, it would be a ridiculous percentage count. i stick to the majorities: dominican, west indian, italian, and black.
the question of my sexuality does not exist, (adhere to old posts where i address those concerns). i have lived all over, dubbing myself "suburban raised-inner city schooled." because i move around so much a friend of mines deemed me "the roamer". reveling myself to Christ at times, living in all walks of life.
how then, complicated in detail, simplistically written, can i be boxed in to what this Americanized idea, and ideal, is of "Black". i guess the most basic manner to explain this is to understand that being Black In America means to ultimately be unequal, lesser in humanization, or any other darkened term to suggest still to the institutionalized separation of thought.
even more perplexing is how do i escape this footprint tagging of negativity &+ downplay of existence. i understand why youths alike myself in age come down to the basic mentality of "this is how they see me (anyhow) so why not get the most out of it, live it out to the fullest."  with mainstream America, both in media &+ in the masses, looking on (or down) on all Black and Latino persons to never be accepted anywhere, &+ not to mention the genocide being permitted by not only the external forces (ie: police, politics, and prison), but by the staggering amount of Black-on-Black tragedy, "the limit is the sky" becomes the gates of our livelihood.
i find myself trapped, caged in. relying on the sanity|self-awareness i find in poetry, art, music, and education to not lost myself &+ blur into wasted potential. but rightly so, i would be a liar if i was to say i wasn't worried about my peers. i see the madness, the lies presented as the truth that's fed to them, and i sit beside them and watch as feast-like they sit there &+ eat it all up. i'm wondering if there's a way for me to change the content, or at least change the choice of content.
the more i read the likes of Cornel West, Maya Angelou, Michael Eric Dyson (the populous of the shelf) and listen to Talib Kweli, Immortal Technique, Binary Star; the more i find "real" &+ knowing what's considered "real". if i was to spit those names out to any my age, 98% would not know who i was referring to, replacing with the likes of SouljaBoi, 50 Cent, and other autotuned photoshop corporate owned dummies.
"self-esteem yo we forgot the dream
on our Jefferson's y'all but we forgot the theme"
-Common, Be
what i write is what many think, at least at one point, but it is in that prime freshness that we have to grab hold of the mental &+ change this cycle of degradance. can't be done overnight &+ won't be down over(air)waves - America benefits too much off of "Black", "ghetto" stereotypes the revolution has to be internal, has to rise from the community. when you settle for less, you get less than what you settled for. we're not settled, but we're settling; take the anger out on the opponent. not the proponent who's trying to do the same as you.
am i suffering from an identity crisis? nah, i know me. i'm just suffering from the afflictions inflicted upon me by America &+ being left out there in the cold. i find a home within myself, i maintain myself, self is safety. because the streets are unforgiving and the suburbs are unforgetting.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

No Two Alike.

looking at them, you'd think that every snowflake is the same
there's the Zen-like response
"no two alike"

but who &+ how exactly would we know
i guess it's more so along the lines of
the definition of alike &+
the type of snowflake you're examining;
there's 3 types of snow flakes.

&the smallest ones, nano flakes, : can be exactly alike. ; it's so small that in quantum physics it's the basic molecule, therefore its the biological replication that causes it to look alike.

&small snow crystals: can look alike ; w| this definition however you're looking at a composition of snow crystals that look similar therefore concluding that the entire crystal is similar &/or "alike".

&large complex flakes: are complexly different ; it's like posing a mathematical question of how many different ways can you arrange 15 different books on a bookshelf. well you'd have to figure out the 15 different ways to put the books on the shelf multiply that by the # of shelves = the totaling combination. ; replace that with the molecular structure of snowflakes &+ whala, you have your complexity of appearance.

what does this mean to me?
i don't know, i guess if you compare the simplicity of snowflakes
being a simple pretty white crystal falling from the sky
you can replace the variable with different things in life
love, music, tears, food...
is anything really alike?

the definition &type changes the playing field
the blanketing of assimilation inTHOUGHT
forces us to believe that our subjective point of view
is the same for those that we are viewing objectively

concluding inFACT that thus,
no two things biologically are exactly the same.
&+ then well... you break it down.
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