Friday, April 2, 2010

Where The Wild Things Are

It's lovely outside today. I'm kinda ashy... Right, so as I sit out here on the balcony enjoying the sound of the creek rushing, the birds chirping, and squirrels playing chase Im hit with the painstaking realization that being a creative soul isn't all nuts &berries. Meaning that there's the stereotypical lifestyle of artists vs. reality. And reality is the (real)ization that everyone doesn't see the things that I see.
When I was taking my photography courses, I would take pictures that caught my eye, caught a sight I would love to see. But when shown to my professor, she merely looked at the frames, nodded, and walked to the next student. I felt insignificant and/or incorrect at times. My pride and mind told me that my pictures were just as great, if not better than Sarah's or Joe's" ; but I did not get that from my professor. 
My senses are off the normal chart, my imagination takes me for rides. Sometimes I get so scared of myself because I know what's real but I feel the actual. It's like watching yourself in a dream and feeling everything, hearing every thought, seeing it from 1st and 3rd person. I live a waking dream.
Currently society and it's responsibility clause has got the best of me. Supposedly I live on the Land of the Free but I feel trapped in the tells of what I have to do. I guess free means 'free-will' in America. I mean, you can do whatever you want freely but will you be able to handle the consequences of doing so. I guess I define free differently. 

"If I’m really brilliant, like others sometimes tell me, how come nobody acts like I’m valuable? Maybe I’m just a pebble that’s been lied to since childhood." (-Gloria Szabo)

My peers and everyone alike are stuck on being an 'artist'. But they have no idea the pain, insomnia, and dissatisfaction you carry by being a creative mind. You give the best of you always and never ever reach the climax. Like fucking but never having an orgasm.
Trust me, if I could be the average Sarah or Joe, and just live life minimalistically, I'd sign-up right now. Shed these words in my head, stop the paranoid jumping from sounds unreal, and keep my heart from pacing so heavy. My life is running like a marathon, and I'm always one step behind. 


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