Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Theory of Creation

Damn, I was sitting here watching Amel Larrieux's video for "For Real". Realizing how beautiful she is, I Wiki'd her. Her mother is Afro-American & her father is Scottish-Dutch. Cool... Then I thought of how pretty those mixes always are. Nigerian and French, Afro-American and German: Mixes. And I thought of my co-worker, Deb, whose daughter, a 17year blonde, has told her that she wants to have a baby with a Black man. Not because of his strength, his struggle, or his beauty - but because her child will have "curly hair and juicy lips." Then I got to thinking about my own views of having children & I too, have always leaned towards having a mixed child. Lately I've been saying "I need to find a man that's tall, creamy, and handsome" ; a play on the "tall, dark, and handsome". My favorite ex-bf (yes, I know surprising to my readers, I have dated 2 guys my entire life & have never had sex with either of them, FYI) is Hispanic. He's tall, creamy, and handsome.

Am I shallow for thinking this way? I mean really - I just want to have a beautiful child. And I know that genetics are scientific, but looks don't always come out as we think. Just google one of those baby maker things, two beautiful celebrities will have a Freddy Krueger looking baby, LOL.I feel like a traitor, a racial Benedict Arnold. But it's not just the looks, it's also the culture the child would have. Being of mixed background myself, I've always been able to embrace the spectrum. Though my skin is darker and my hair curls up oddly, I have only recently experienced ignorance because of my complexion. I'm 21, so that's 20years of not having to deal with the enigma's of being colored. It has also made me stronger, it has made me not break under the pressures of the system, it has made me not be a victim. I've never needed an "Intervention" to sort through my problems, I never ran to a drug or alcohol to deal. Cause where I'm from it's just something to do among the rest of the bs you face.

It's only recently that I've actually thought of having children. And as I think of it, a lot of my reasons for not wanting a child have been selfish and full of fear. Even as I talk now about having a child, I always say "When I have this child, don't forget about me. I need to be held too." The fears of responsibility, not being a good parent, & the pain of birth have all been heavy on my list of child abstinence. But I've come to learn the beauty of having a child, the pride in that connection, and the decreasing of my selfishness being replaced with the happiness in the idea of sharing mys.e.l.f. with another being, a being of me.

So there's a lot that goes into the plans. It just struck me odd - it just struck me hurtful. But I've also always had this theory that the world will not erase racism until races no longer exist. Until you cannot an Afro-American from an African, until you cannot tell a Bosnian from a Russian, a Mexican from a Dominican. Until those lines are so blurred that everyone is just as creamy as milk.

Maybe having a child of my own will prove my hypothesis correct.



Editors Note: I know it's weird, but this is not to be mixed with my sexual identity. This is just a personal rant, a freeing of thoughts. Because I still feel "better" or more comfortable when I look at myself as a (genderlyspeaking)male. Yet the idea of bringing a child in this world, comes from I guess you could say the 'female'.