Friday, June 25, 2010

21 Things I've Learned at Being 21

21. Laugh as much as you can, if you don't - your life will really suck.
20. When the dentist says brush your teeth, 3x a day, listen. Being 17 with yellow gunk on your teeth is NOT attractive.
19. Money disappears as fast as you get it. So a savings account when you're 9 isn't a bad investment.
18. The price of milk should be cheaper than a gallon of gas. It probably isn't, but that's my rationalization.
17. There are car-bullys in this world. Never get over - make them go around. It irritates the fuck outta them.
16. Fast food, though cheaper; the compost genetically modified shit will deteriorate your insides.
15. People will give you shit about the simplest things &let you breeze through shit that should be difficult - take it with a grain of salt.
14. If you have the $1 give it to the bum, If you don't - don't be a dick.
13. Time is important, if you can be on time you should be. Earlier is best. Last is never acceptable.
12. Coke products are better than Pepsi.
11. Poetry isn't to be used to pick up an attraction. Words should be used as tools of communication. And not everyone writes, reads, hear things the way you do. Doesn't mean you're less of a poet|person.
10. The worldwideweb can make anybody famous; but unless you're someone in the real world, working towards positive growth &change - you're just as pointless as Miley Cyrus.
9. Kisses are beautiful.
8. Treating others as you'd like to be treated doesn't always result in respect; but it does result in dignity.
7. People will let you down - all the fucking time. Don't hold grudges, just know when to let go, when to correct, and when to go the fuck off.
6. The hurt Mary J. is better than the happy Mary J.
5. Sex is extremely overrated, Intimacy is underrated. If you find both - marry that motherfucker.
4. Religion is extremely comedic, if you take it too serious then you're in a cult.
3. Coffee is good for 6hrs after brewing.
2. Never be ashamed to work towards a better you. Do what you want to make your life, the life you want. I don't know what's after this, but I damn sure am trying to get it right on this go `round.
1. Take nothing for granted and don't take everything given. You'll know when is the right time to do which.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


I open my mouth to bring about change
Stuck on repeat I find myself lost in the scrabble
Trying to reach those who are like me
My peers
I see the lies that you feed them
And I shake my head as I watch them
Eat it all right up


Suffering children everywhere I turn
Hit Power on the remote and I see it
On the screen
BP's taken over CNN
But rivers in Africa have the same issue
Blind eye turned
Not breaking new unless it's affecting you

The superior

All I have are my words
My verbs hold no result
So I resolve to not speak at all
Just linger around and wait for the time
When the world will change

When my children will not know the word complexion
And the weight that it holds in this country
Stares will be because of the deed
Not the color of the skin

You live where? How can you afford that?

We're not all on welfare
Section 8 is nothing but a wall built by you
Capturing us all behind those doors
Contain them

Their scared

There's no need to enslave us with chains
They've done so mentally
Stuck on perms and pedicures to look American
America means White
African-American hyphenated
Definition of second class

Caste system in it's own way
Yet we go overseas to create the same atmosphere

So with these words
I refuse to conform
What if one day I want to wear my hair nappy
Sport my tribal colors
Quote Nikki Giovanni
And preach like my boy Malcolm

Will you stop me for disturbing the peace
Or will you bash me down and take a piece of me
My freedom
Doesn't equate to yours

I'll never be completely able to reach the exponent of myself
Radical signs will additively leave me with a divide
Subtract the madness in my quotient
Never to determine a  positive result

Zer(0) for the stats

Census coming to knock on my door
"Be heard so that you can be counted"
"Just 5mins of your time"
Don't you have all that I am?
Bookmarked, noted

Myspace is on CNN again
Facebook removed the Privacy of friendship
Yahoo turned me invisible
AIM has me idle

Headline: Library of Congress to bookmark Twitter

Tomorrow I'll probably wake to two men in suits
Or this site will no longer exist
Because I wish to invoke my (1)irst Amendment rights

Freedoms were secondary in this country
Added in at the end of the Constitution
Always struck me odd

Open your ears
Close your eyes
Only then will you see the truth

I feel naked on stage
All eyes on me

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

&So I Cut My Hair.

And if anyone wants to compare, I didn't have a picture of anyone in my mind. What happened was I cut the sides of my hair Sunday night, after smoking a little and sipping a little, and I was encourage by Love, who was also a little under the influence. And thus I had to make the best of what was left. I don't even mind it though. It makes me feel one step closer to self.

[9] till (21).

Monday, June 14, 2010

SI: Poetry

I used love writing poems
I guess that’s cause I was in love with the game
Illustrated in my verbaility
To chase the words around
And always come out on top
I was fascinated by language
Engrossed in imagery
And could hyperbolize anything too much
Alliteration left me in ellipses
I just wanted to escape
Broaden my horizon to kick start my life
To a better place
Now it seems like everytime I turn on the radio
Someones stolen my line
It’s kinda funny cause
I thought that I’d be touring with my rhymes
Meant to happen this way I assume
I try to write down my thoughts
But the pink margins don’t leave much room
The beginning of the end
I feel like I’m always in last place
I have this sense of urgency with my life
Still I’m losing this race
My heart is taken but it’s beating slowly
But when I think about the end
I get suicidal daydreaming of being lonely
Don’t want this to go wrong
Never had to choice to go right
I’m ambidextrous by nature
Spoiled by natural ability
I try to live my life leisurely
Then they say I procrastinate
I fuck myself over
Kind of messy when you masturbate
Seeing myself now I don’t know who I am
Time flew by and now it’s ready to land
Words used to come to me
But now they just flee my grasp
Holding on to so much
Still I know I’m holding back
Behind the mic was the most comfortable I ever been
Realized I was just an act for a blue-eyed audience
Came back to where I started
Like I always do
Repeatedly not getting no where
Defying the elements of grammar
Double negative trying to get to ground zero
Poetry keep me under lock and key
Just looking for a window

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Inside Out.

to have to start all over, again &again &again - it's like WTF to the maximum. my life wasn't supposed to be like this, i wasn't supposed to be like this. i'm way more intelligent, talented, and determined than most ; but i don't understand why the people who try the hardest get the least out of life. i wasn't one of my generation, one to not even consider the chances, i actually STUDIED the chances, i argued against the stereotypes &+ i made a fool out of the statistics. now i'm at the bottom of a settled cup with all the pulp, while the fruit of the juice rises above. i'm thirsty, and i don't even want to drink.

this wasn't supposed to be me. 21 in a few weeks &not even near done with college, hell i'm back at the starting line; i took so many wrongturns|shortcuts that it got me no where. i can't balance the things that i used to be able to manage all at the same time. i'm losing it, in the worse way. i used to have this confidence about myself, i knew i was the shit, i got used to the flies around me. i was gaining education, performing everywhere and had flocks of people attracted to me. now i'm at rock bottom, and the last two i don't even care about, i'm good enough for self, but i'm not good enough to succeed anymore.

everyone keeps telling me you've got time, you can make it better, you can finish just put in the work where it's needed. other people became my focus, even through the lies they called support, i just wanted to make them happy. those who used to be in my circle, are now standing outside the bend, yelling at me &shaking their heads with disassociation. i'm at rock bottom and i aint even addicted to shit.

it's not a matter of not wanting to do it ; it's a matter of it not being on my to-do list. when life throws you lemons you make lemonade, but when life throws you molded lemons you throw it out - no lemonade for you. i didn't even think i'd be 21 and not have my own, not be on my own, &not be happy. i feel just as miserable as before. i feel alone.
nobody but nobody can make it out here on their own.
 i don't have the determination i had before. there's no pretty picture hanging over the horizon, there's no end to this madness. i just want the madness to stop. i just want things to be okay, as they used to be. i'm tired of fighting yo. this is a 4corner match, and i've already been knocked out ; there's not much more i can give to win this. this doesn't have anything to do with the superficial things in life, or the things that are supposed to make one happy. because when the other things around you are falling apart, that one thing will eventually crumble as well. i've been changing my ways for what? it's just changes - not progress. there's a difference. i always thought my life to be progressive, everything i've ever worked for has fallen apart, nothing i reaped is sowing. n o t h i n g . so what am i doing?

there's no positives in any of this. there's no happiness inside. i'm hollowed out. and if i'm just existing why be living? why be here? to write pretty poems for people and photoshop pictures for websites? to not have a family, to not have friends, to not have anything in this populated world, i feel so alone. is this how death feels? when you're diagnosed with notice that you're going to die? i feel dead. i feel lost. i feel like the scum between god's toes. as Love always says, if there is a God, He must hate me. cause this is the life i have.

there's no btching about it, nothing to man-up to. there's nothing to swallow, no correct steps to take. i don't know where i'm going, don't know what i'm doing, but this mask is cracking quickly. and i don't even give a fuck.
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