Wednesday, June 29, 2011


A letter to me a year ago, this is what it would say: 

Dear You,

Life is full of things you don't understand, just yet but soon you will. Right now you're still growing up and there's still concepts that you can't grasp. But don't rush yourself, you'll get them sooner than later. I hope you will take hold of the important things; the things you can control now and work on what you want for the later. Don't bog yourself down by all the external, appreciate what you have going on inside and soak in those for that'll bring you the most happiness. If you ever are hesitant about something being right or wrong: it's wrong and avoid the conflict by just not acting. Remain silent when necessary, don't let your anger get the best of you. Education is important to you, but it will not solve all of your problems so do not beat yourself over the situation you're in. You're 21, you can only do so much. New England may not be where you want to be, but it is where you are - make the best of it and don't drag anyone else down with your depression. Friends are going to be friends always, but love only comes one in a million so cherish it. However always: put you first. Arguments aren't the end of the world so don't take them in that manner. Just talk it out, and when you can't hold in the tears anymore let them out because holding things in are more poisonous to not only the mind but the body. Stay strong in times of struggle and hardships, you will have very hard times but you will get through it if you just stick it out. Oh, you can't pick your family but you can decide how you are treated by them so make sure you check twice. Even though you have few in your circle take hold of those few and they will hold you up when you are weak. And if you ever have any doubts in your mind who you are and what you are capable of; just take a look in the mirror. I know you're still finding you, even at the age of 22, but don't rush yourself. You're only 22 once in a lifetime so let it ripen into fruition. 

I Love You,

Monday, June 13, 2011

In Store For Me,

  • Getting a degree in Fine Arts - Concentration: Media & Design, then I will go on to get a degree in Architecture
  • Premiere my clothing line
  • Establish myself as a poet/photographer/activist (because I believe in giving back)

I need to re-work myself. I have a lot of baggage with me, my past continuously haunts me. But I'll make the best of my situation and prove to everyone that I'm living my life for me. Forget the book. I know, I have 5011 post about what I'm going to do. And I mean everything that I've ever said, because I said it (point noted). (Jean Grae line, don't cockblock). With things being the way that they are I've honestly moved beyond the idea of what I am and put that into motion. There's a couple things/people/situations in my way but I'm in the process of making progress. I've realized that I've become miserable over the last couple years, I think it's because I wasn't ready for r.e.a.l. life. But I've adjusted and figured it all out. Things are going to get hard, but what's worth having it comes easy? Feel me?

I know you do. So stay tuned, and stay high. I'll be in touch.


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

My Top 10 (Male) MC's

1. Tupac
2. Jay-Z
3. Notorious B.I.G.
4. Andre 3000
5. Nas
6. Eminem
7. Common
8.  Busta Rhymes
9. J. Cole
10. DMX

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Black Daddy Syndrome,

So I work at a major retail factory store part time, as well as my first job (I'm like a retail bitch right now). And I was working a smooth 4.5hr shift yesterday, it was packed as ever and this African dude came up to me and asked for my assistance. No problem right, I don't mind helping any customer out with their shopping. But with him I was a little irritated because he had what I call "Black Daddy Syndrome".

Black Daddy Syndrome or BDS is the case of black fathers abandoning their children and then coming back as if nothing happened. This can be broken down more deterministically by the case of materialism. There's just something about Black people, especially, that believe that by buying their children nice things it'll compensate for whatever lack of love, affection, etc the child has undergone.

The initial question was "Can you help me", followed by "I have a 10, and 12... No 9, 10... No 10 and 12 year old sons, and I don't know what size they wear, what size would be good for them?"... "With boys it's icky", I told him, "depends on their height, size, weight, build... All that." He stared at me blankly, there wasn't even a hesitation or thought in his head as he said "I haven't seen them since they were very little". It took everything in me to not start PREACHING to this man, because I wanted to rip him a new one.

How dare you drop $150 in total on 2 BOYS that haven't seen you since they were however young, and think that's going to make-up for the lost years? I 100% would rather you bank this money you're about to drop on these hood-flooded sneakers and spend it on TIME with them. You can't make up time, you can't refund time. There's not enough money, kicks, or (clearance rack) t-shirts you can buy to make up for not being there for your children. He went from a decent pair of kicks for each of them, to a okay pair of kicks. He initially asked me to help him with a shirt and shorts for each child, but upon the realization that each pair of shorts was $18 he switched to 2 $7 tee shirts and a pair of kicks for each child. He maybe dropped $60 in total per son. How can you equate that to empty nests?

I know that the time I spent with my father means much more to me than any pair of Timberlands or North Face coat he ever bought me. And I know my brother Adam feels exactly the same. It's not about the money, it's honestly about the mentality. Why is this the case? Can someone tell me? Forreal though.


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

When I think about my career and where I'm going to end up, let's say in 10years. I don't see myself working for anyone. I see myself established as a designer in the community, my clothing line moving in many stores and boroughs, and I see myself at top notch. I don't low blow myself because then I can't reach my dreams. I have to take myself higher because everyone else is here to pull me down.

Taking a negative and making it positive - from this moment on.
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