Friday, October 29, 2010

Last Year

I had so much life in me. I'm looking at the number of my posts. I thought for sure that it would go UP as I got older and with time I would be able to spill myself onto these keys and write a melody so deep that you'd have to slap yourself to wake up the dream. But not yet, I'm not finding the acceptance in any of my speech that'll allow me to curve my tongue and mistake these letters for verbs. My actions are silenced. And I'm lurking, looking, and searching. Hoping that the words will come back to me. That my passion will actually - be. I'm nothing but a dreamer, a starving artist for lack of better terms. Yet I'm willing and able to become more than what you see me as from behind the scenes I'll arrive on stage. I'll blow up like a suicide bomber. I'm on a mission.

On The Real

I’m tired of everyone wanting to be in a relationship but not be in a realationship. Everyone just wants someone to be with, to talk on the phone, to text all day. No one wants to put in time, no one wants to build a future, no one wants to have a lifelong partner. It’s more so personA thinks personB is cute so they MUST be with that person. They don’t even know this person, they don’t know what this person likes, what they do for a living - anything. Just that they want to have something called a relationship. They don’t want the real thing. And I’m sick of hearing that shit.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Running

I feel like I have to be m.o.r.e., always. Because I've never been enuff. My temperament is one of someone who hasn't been taught love, hasn't been taught social skills - quite frankly? I've always had my way. And when I didn't have my way I didn't have anyone else so I depended on self... It's easier that way. So everything in my life right now is a deep growing experience, one that's going to alter my way of thinking. I have never been on this mind level before. I know this because there is no familiarity here. So it's all a battle, it's all a change... Damn i'm favoring commas today... i guess i got a lot to say so it's just running on.

If I had the dream job it would be to just be happy and create. Start another non-profit organization but on the scale that it would cater to the gray area of age. When you're discovering yourself. I know if I had found a cafe, a poetry place, a smoke shop, a club, an art gallery that would work with me - I would be better than what I am. I'm working on getting better.One step closer to where I want to be, I know where I want to be. And I think because I am not there yet, that's why I'm so hard on myself. Failure is not an option. It's not even a question.
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