Where's the Diamonds?

so I was cleaning up just now after cutting my hair, &+ for some reason i was thinking about how homosexuality is the black. got all these young girls running around here thinking that they're barbies, thinking that having babies when they just a baby is a-okay cause they momma will take care of it and it's a way to keep a man around, and basically how sleeping with another girl (if you're a girl) is alright, &if i see one more talk show host do a special called "gay for pay".

I was just thinking about growing up in my hood. And there was this girl named "diamond" &she was known to be "gay". now even though i had been known i had an attraction for girls, my first kiss was with a girl, the first time i was felt up or "humped" was with a girl; i had no idea what "gay" was or what "homosexuality" was, that shit didn't enter my vocabulary till I was a freshman in hs. i also didn't know it was "wrong" , or such a controversy. for all I knew, girls liked boys and boys liked girls, i liked girls, i was a girl, whatever. who cares. but back to diamond, she was like feared in my hood. i mean when diamond was coming around all the girls would come running in the house "diamond outside! she gonna get you!" it was like a disease you could catch, or atleast back in my childhood it was comparable to being tagged IT.

nowadays? there's such a stigma that comes with even someone thinking you're gay that my moms yells at my 3yr old brother for playing with barbies &liking stuff with glitter. hell he like spiderman and diego too. i think what she needs to realize that all he sees is his daddy drinking &acting like a little btch when he dont his controlling way, and that she always leaves him with my 12yr old jonas brother// justin beiber obsessed sister. there's not really too much else for him to like besides pink and purple shit. shuuu.
&my 12yr old sister just added me on FB. there's no need for her to be scared of "diamond" because her worry is not meeting an old pedophile named Steve that lives down the street. she knows what gay is, she knows what homosexuality is -- hell my cousin, who's also 12, told her that she was bisexual. "ma, ___ said that she gotta girlfriend!" my sister told my mom with her big gray eyes. my mom didn't even question it, she just laughed it off.

i guess what i'm tryna get it is that kids nowadays have way too much exposure to what society wants them to be. and forget about it if you're a minority. and definitely dead your hopes if the child is raised in a lesbian-parent home, because chances are the parent is just as confused as the child will end up. minority lesbians, i've observed are really messy, &those who have kids are a h.a.m. especially because most of them were in a long-term committed relationships with a dude for all their lives, but they're in the same scene as their teenage daughter who just dropped kid number 2 -- they're just gonna fuck with girls.

there's no "diamonds" anymore. so all of everybody basically are just digging in the rough, looking for someone to hold onto, someone that'll give that attention. whoever gives them attention, that's their "best friend."

be easy ya'll !
- Ace

A Letter to Ms. Hill

this morning because I couldn't sleep &+ because the song Adam Lives In Theory was stuck in my head, I did some research (aka Googling) on Ms. Hill. it left me with this eerie, goosebumps, paranoid feeling. she's a character, indeed, belongs on USA network type. i guess 3wks ago she came out in an interview with NPR stating that she's going to comeback into the game.

"Lauryn said that her heart was in Zion, 

I wish that her heart still was in rhyming"

- Kanye West 

everyone's got stuff to say about it, wondering if she'll have the "Sade Effect" on listeners, or so they're calling it. you know how Sade didn't have a record for 10yrs, and then she showed up with Soldier of Love &+ blasted all the bopz out the water.

honestly? I don't care what effect she has on anybody else. there's a mixture of feelings towards her return (whenever it is, due to the rumored method to her 'madness' I read about her studio affairs; if you don't know Ms. Hill was sued by her team that claimed they helped write songs &produce Miseducation, cost her $5Mill - then she was ghost after that speel. so I guess now she makes everyone who's anyone that she's considering to work with sign a waiver saying they give all creative &financial rights to her on any music they make with/for her, and half the time she postpones appointments, and the artists eventually get aggy with waiting &losing money so they go their business. *which I think is dumb as hell, but maybe I don't see the blessing the same way everyone else does, hell I'm just a student of hers)

Ready or Not, Here I Come, You Can't Hide....

• Urgency: Ms. Hill's return is vital to the pullback of music, to the voice of our generation (&those coming up under it, I mean 1998 was 12yrs ago, I was only 8yrs old, but even those younger than me know the words to "Doo Wop (That Thing)"  "Ex-Factor" "To Zion"
• Fear: with her religious radical ways, formulated by the cult she was yielded to by this dude named 'Brother Anthony', and her outburst towards the Vatican ; I don't know... It's kinda scary.
• Hype: no matter what it is or what people say about her, it's Ms. Hill, the one &only. the sickest and rawest talent I've ever heard, male or female. The influence to so many, especially my other teachers of the Neo-Soul movement. 

people say that she's crazy (bi-polar allegations have been on the scene for some years) or brainwashed (cult religion), drugs? nah, that's my girl Badi (ya'll know I'm telling the truth). personally? I think Ms. Hill went through a life cleansing that all of us if only lucky enough to receive could have. she really had the time, money, and will to pull-back &away from everything and everyone - and just learn (&continue to) S.E.L.F.

I ain't no music critic, I don't work for VIBE &+ I've yet to hear back on my internship to Rolling Stone, but what I do know: music. Music is what feelings sound like. &so whatever she's feeling, that's what I'm waiting on. to see what she's wanting to have expres-sed.
take your time Ms. Hill, and with all due respect, Take Care.

- A Student,

*I address Lauryn Hill as "Ms. Hill" because that's how she wishes.

(That much is confirmed.)

Read/Listen: NPR Full Interview with Ms. HIll 

21 Things I've Learned at Being 21

21. Laugh as much as you can, if you don't - your life will really suck.
20. When the dentist says brush your teeth, 3x a day, listen. Being 17 with yellow gunk on your teeth is NOT attractive.
19. Money disappears as fast as you get it. So a savings account when you're 9 isn't a bad investment.
18. The price of milk should be cheaper than a gallon of gas. It probably isn't, but that's my rationalization.
17. There are car-bullys in this world. Never get over - make them go around. It irritates the fuck outta them.
16. Fast food, though cheaper; the compost genetically modified shit will deteriorate your insides.
15. People will give you shit about the simplest things &let you breeze through shit that should be difficult - take it with a grain of salt.
14. If you have the $1 give it to the bum, If you don't - don't be a dick.
13. Time is important, if you can be on time you should be. Earlier is best. Last is never acceptable.
12. Coke products are better than Pepsi.
11. Poetry isn't to be used to pick up an attraction. Words should be used as tools of communication. And not everyone writes, reads, hear things the way you do. Doesn't mean you're less of a poet|person.
10. The worldwideweb can make anybody famous; but unless you're someone in the real world, working towards positive growth &change - you're just as pointless as Miley Cyrus.
9. Kisses are beautiful.
8. Treating others as you'd like to be treated doesn't always result in respect; but it does result in dignity.
7. People will let you down - all the fucking time. Don't hold grudges, just know when to let go, when to correct, and when to go the fuck off.
6. The hurt Mary J. is better than the happy Mary J.
5. Sex is extremely overrated, Intimacy is underrated. If you find both - marry that motherfucker.
4. Religion is extremely comedic, if you take it too serious then you're in a cult.
3. Coffee is good for 6hrs after brewing.
2. Never be ashamed to work towards a better you. Do what you want to make your life, the life you want. I don't know what's after this, but I damn sure am trying to get it right on this go `round.
1. Take nothing for granted and don't take everything given. You'll know when is the right time to do which.

Move(me)nt

I open my mouth to bring about change
Stuck on repeat I find myself lost in the scrabble
Trying to reach those who are like me
My peers
I see the lies that you feed them
And I shake my head as I watch them
Eat it all right up

Damn

Suffering children everywhere I turn
Hit Power on the remote and I see it
On the screen
BP's taken over CNN
But rivers in Africa have the same issue
Blind eye turned
Not breaking new unless it's affecting you

The superior

All I have are my words
My verbs hold no result
So I resolve to not speak at all
Just linger around and wait for the time
When the world will change

When my children will not know the word complexion
And the weight that it holds in this country
Stares will be because of the deed
Not the color of the skin

You live where? How can you afford that?

We're not all on welfare
Section 8 is nothing but a wall built by you
Capturing us all behind those doors
Contain them
Why?

Their scared

There's no need to enslave us with chains
They've done so mentally
Stuck on perms and pedicures to look American
America means White
African-American hyphenated
Definition of second class

Caste system in it's own way
Yet we go overseas to create the same atmosphere

So with these words
I refuse to conform
What if one day I want to wear my hair nappy
Sport my tribal colors
Quote Nikki Giovanni
And preach like my boy Malcolm

Will you stop me for disturbing the peace
Or will you bash me down and take a piece of me
My freedom
Doesn't equate to yours

I'll never be completely able to reach the exponent of myself
Radical signs will additively leave me with a divide
Subtract the madness in my quotient
Never to determine a  positive result

Zer(0) for the stats

Census coming to knock on my door
"Be heard so that you can be counted"
"Just 5mins of your time"
Don't you have all that I am?
Bookmarked, noted

Myspace is on CNN again
Facebook removed the Privacy of friendship
Yahoo turned me invisible
AIM has me idle

Headline: Library of Congress to bookmark Twitter

Tomorrow I'll probably wake to two men in suits
Or this site will no longer exist
Because I wish to invoke my (1)irst Amendment rights

Freedoms were secondary in this country
Added in at the end of the Constitution
Always struck me odd

Open your ears
Close your eyes
Only then will you see the truth
(Ex)posed

I feel naked on stage
All eyes on me

&So I Cut My Hair.

And if anyone wants to compare, I didn't have a picture of anyone in my mind. What happened was I cut the sides of my hair Sunday night, after smoking a little and sipping a little, and I was encourage by Love, who was also a little under the influence. And thus I had to make the best of what was left. I don't even mind it though. It makes me feel one step closer to self.

-Ace.
[9] till (21).