Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Allergic To Adhesive.

"TwtnWhileBLACK @thatpoetACE Okay, are you a guy or girl, because I really don't know." - It's not the first time I've gotten that question. So no offense taken. I get asked that a lot, my family just thinks I'm still in the "tom-boy" stage of my life. And it still cracks me up.

However, I get asked almost on the daily "What are you?" There's this need for the human mind to categorize you. It's normal. You check the boxes every time you fill out an about me, an application, a survey.
[]Female []Male. | []White []African-America/Black []Hispanic, Non-White []Multi-Ethnicity []Other. | []14-16, Provide DOB []18+
I'm the individual that makes their own []

Let me start out by saying there is a difference between Gender|Sexuality|Sexual Orientation. Gender, is determined socially; culture determines what is expected of an individual by their roles & behavior in society. Sexuality is biological; that's the box you check Male or Female. Sexual orientation is based upon both of these factors; as well as the individuals patterns of sexual attraction.

Sexuality is something that we all understand. Unless you're a hermaphrodite, a biological organism that is born with both male + female reproductive organs, then you're taught at a young age "you're a boy" or "you're a girl." It's written for you as soon as your mother goes & gets that sonogram to determine what color balloons to have at the party. In the LGBT world this is pretty much were you'll find your FTM's (Female-to-Male] & MTF's (Male-to-Female]. It's a sex struggle the individual is going through. And simply does not feel comfortable in ones body when his|her gender is telling him|her something different from his|her sex.

Sexual orientation has it's break downs. Asexual,Bisexual, Heterosexual, Homosexual, Bisexual, Pansexual, & Polysexual. Asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction at all or does not desire sex. Bisexual refers to an individual who is sexually attractive & active with a member of both sexes (male or female]. Heterosexual is "straight", strictly female+male or vice-versa. Homosexuals are gay or lesbian, gay being male+male, lesbian being female+female. Pansexual is what they call the "blind-lover", this person is attracted to the PERSON and not the biological or gender-makeup. Pansexuals differ from bisexuals because it is not simply a sexual attraction, it is an emotional and romantic attraction as well. Polysexuality refers to people who are attracted to more than one gender or sex but do not wish to identify as bisexual because it implies that there are only two binary genders or sexes. However, polysexuals should not be considered pansexuals, because pan comes from the Latin word meaning "all", & poly comes from the Latin word meaning "many."

Gender is where it gets messy, but I'll keep it to the basics. In the Lesbian world there's studs, femmes, AG's, versatiles, no labels,& genderqueers|gender-blind. I will stick to only Lesbian world because not all homosexual "labels" are universal in definition. And since I'm a lesbian... Yeah. Lol.
-Studs are your dominant lesbians, that dress + behave like a male, most even prefer to be addressed as male pronouns(him,he,-etc.]
-Femmes are the female lesbian, they are opposite of studs; dressing very feminine. It is often these females that people find shocking when they "come out."
-Then you have your AG's aka "aggressive femmes",a lesbian who takes over in bed but she appears to be feminine in society and dresses feminine.Aggressive femmes usually take over in a lot of scenarios in everyday life. Dominant but can be submissive if her lover wants her to.
-Versatile is a hard one to determine. Versatile to MOST means someone who can portray both roles, stud + femm. However, Versatile belongs in the sexual orientation realm. Because versatile is someone who is willing to give + take in the relationship, SEXUALLY.
-No Labels. This is just someone who defies the action of categorizing themselves. Many versatile people, claim to be No Labels, which is not true. & Yes, by "not labeling you're labeling." Boohoo Kitty, yay for you for knowing Logic101.
-GenderQueers|Gender-Blind are unique individuals. Not only can these individuals consider themselves, BOTH male + female, or being neither male or female, OR even not part of the sex equation at all. This can be sometimes called "androgyny".

So that's the basic breakdown of the gender labels you'll find. It really depends on a lot of factors why someone would be called what they are. For example, an African-American or Hispanic dominant and male dressing female is considered a stud. Whereas a Caucasian dominant and male dressing female is considered a butch. One must remember to take that into mind, demographics apply always. (Unfortunately]

Okay - Now that that's all broken down. And there's a background of reference for people to read. I am a female that is lesbian that is pansexual and genderqueer. Putting the definitions together - I am a attracted to females, however I do not object to dating strictly 1 sex, nor 1 gender, and I take on characteristics of both sexes and genders. Simply looking at the picture with this post, one would not be able to tell if I was female or male. The picture I have on twitter, which prompted "TwtnWhileBLACK" to ask me that question was probably because even though I am standing up, looking into the camera you canNOT see my sexuality features. That picture was from NYC Pride, so I did dress dominant. But as I replied to him, I am female, however I get female + male pronouns all the time. I have friends who you honestly wouldn't know they were females unless you see them naked. I have friends who are femmes like HELL, and it's hilarious when dudes approach them, and they get turned down.

Even if I am "studded out"; I have been approached by males. I don't know, it's common that males won't accept No. And also will blast to his friends that you're gay, and then turn around and try to get with you. Negative, that is so tacky. But I wanted to clarify those|that for others who were wondering my "fit" in the world. I hate labels. I refuse to label myself and restrict myself to statistics and numbers and sorry if I make your brain hurt.

I'm allergic to adhesive. And I don't label myself. But no offense taken if you have to ask me a question, or if you don't know who I am. My policy stands "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." To me? Ignorance is not attractive.

peace, -Ace.


  1. Wow this blog really helped me understand a deeper meaning in the word GAY. Growing up I didn't know how to deal with someone who was openly gay/lesbian until my friend came out after years of our friendship. I think it was even harder when I found out my bf of three years was bisexual,,and I jus didnt know how to deal with it. But now that you broke it down there really is a deeper meaning to that word and how people and the options they have to identify themselves as being homosexual. Worded well..vedry well =)


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